Casa de Perkins

All get what they want: they do not always like it

2012-01-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

Months and months have gone by, and God is working in this heart of mine, and I just haven't quite been able to put it into words. I still can't, but I will write what I can, and I am sure the rest will come out little by little.

Our due date was June 1st or May 31st, depending on who you talked to. The day before Thanksgiving, we had an appointment with my midwife to hear the heartbeat for the first time. We had gone the week before and hadn't been able to hear anything. Now, at 12 weeks, we knew we should be able to. We didn't. After working with this midwife while pregnant with and delivering Daisy, we are like family. She loves Jesus too, which makes it all the more wonderful. I could tell. She looked into my eyes, and I knew. No heartbeat.

We had an ultrasound. And a follow up ultrasound. And another. All the same. We aren't new to these feelings. Second miscarriage. Third baby to say good bye to. But it still hurts just the same. It doesn't get easier. Yes, it was a great gift to find out early and say good bye earlier than we did with Paul. But, it is still sad. A reminder of this broken world we live in. A reminder of why the new heavens and new earth are something I cling to. Hope in. I cried. A lot. In front of my midwife. You know the kind of crying that is embarrassing. Yep, that kind of crying.

Then we told Annabelle and Ava. Ooh. That is no fun. We all went through waves of emotion. Annabelle was super sad, wishing we could have known the gender, so we could have named it. Then, she had a quick spell of thinking God was mean, and she didn't like Him! "We have three sick babies in Heaven now. I don't like Him. Why would He do that!!!" Even though it is never fun to see your child's folly, this was good. We have had many great chances to talk through these feelings, compare them to scripture and work through it together.

We had just read in Proverbs 17:3, "The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, but the Lord tests the hearts." Obviously, my kids didn't understand it, and I barely knew what a crucible was either! So, we had talked it over and come to understand that testing through suffering and difficulty will help purify us, getting rid of our sin and conforming us to Christ. And seriously, the next day, we found out about the miscarriage. It was a real life lesson for all of us...why we can be joyful in this sadness and loss and trust that God is always good.

A few weeks later, after waiting for my body to miscarry on its own, after the baby's heart beat had stopped now for 9 weeks, we decided to go in for a d&c. I have already had one before Annabelle was born. I REALLY don't like it. I hate the idea of what they are doing to you while you are completely out, but God has a lot to teach me. I was scared and nervous about anything that could go wrong. Why haven't I learned it yet!!!! God has got me covered. I don't need to worry about myself. I can walk forward with complete confidence and gratitude, knowing that He is with me, guiding me and establishing each step. Still learning:)

Lately, we have been reading through the Chronicles of Narnia series, and we were at the Magician's Nephew. Near the end, the witch has entered Narnia at the beginning of its existence, as Aslan is still creating. She finds a garden with fruit that can give you eternal youth, climbs the wall and eats of the fruit.

At the entrance to the garden, it was written,

"Come in by the gold gates or not at all,
Take of my fruit for others or forbear.
For those who steal or those who climb my wall
Shall find their heart's desire and find despair."

Later, when talking to the children, Aslan says, "While that Tree flourishes she will never come down into Narnia. She dare not come within a hundred miles of the Tree, for its smell, which is joy and life and health to you, is death and horror and despair to her." Polly becomes confused, because she saw the witch eat the apple and saw the joy in the witch's face. Aslan then explains to them that since she has eaten one, that is "why all the rest are now a horror to her. That is what happens to those who pluck and eat fruits at the wrong time and in the wrong way. The fruit is good, but they loathe it ever after." And Polly replies, "And I suppose because she took it in the wrong way it won't work with her. I mean it won't make her always young and all that?" "Alas," said Aslan, "It will. Things always work according to their nature. She has won her heart's desire; she has unwearying strength and endless days like a goddess. But length of days with an evil heart is only length of misery and already she begins to know it. All get what they want: they do not always like it."

This might not mean much to you, my dear readers, but God is teaching me, and I am slowly learning that I don't know what is best. I can't trust that what I want is what I really want. I need what God plans for me. I don't need what I want. As my mind is renewed in God's truths, and as I trust in Him more each day, He will give me the desires of my heart. I will desire for God's will to be done. My immediate happiness cannot be my concern. I do not want to strive for what I want....lots of children, an easy peesy life, or no more suffering....then finally get what I want, and then realize that none of it will satisfy! Only Christ will satisfy. If I never have any more children, or if he gifts us with more, either way, my joy is found in salvation through Christ alone. Whether I have health problems forever, or never enter a hospital again, I hope in God alone.

I praise God and thank Him. Thank Him for my d&c. Thank Him for this loss. Thank Him for caring more about conforming me to Christ, than about my immediate happiness. I praise God for being so strong and so Holy, that He never wavers, and He always does what is best for His children. He never withholds good from the upright, from those who call Him Father. I thank Him for reminding me that true JOY is only found in the center of God's will.

Much love from one sister to another,

Deb

2011-10-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

Here I am, living life with these three fabulous girls. We share most every moment of life together, and they are a joy. They definitely are a tool God uses to refine me each and everyday, and I love it.

I throw all three into the bath to scrub down the day.

I go to get the waking baby girl in her crib, just to find that her sisters already did.

Little Daisy turned 1. And she daintily ate most of a two tiered mini bright pink cake. Loved it.

We enjoy each season together, and it is a joy to see all three enjoy the Pumpkin Patch together.

And yes, now God has granted us another baby, and Lord willing, we can share the bath with another wiggling, giggling, slippery baby. Share the crib with another friend. Share another birthday. Share life with another gift. Due sometime in June, I am about 9 weeks:) Sicker and more exhausted than ever, and remembering each day, that this is a great sign!

Please keep us in prayer. God is still working on me and my anxiety when it comes to these first appointments. It is hard for me to not look back to memories of Paul, and think that may happen again, or something like it. And then, God gently whispers and reminds me that it too would be a gift to have another hard pregnancy or baby with abnormalities. He graciously reminds me that I don't have babies for me and my comfort, convenience and happiness. I am a servant, here to serve these people, these gifts God has given me. And what a gift Paul was, and is.

God's goodness, all summer long

2011-09-09T21:26:00.000-07:00

This summer has been a great season, a season of enjoying God's world, enjoying family and waiting for new family to join us. We are waiting for a new baby boy to join our family any day, and next month, I gain another sister in law! Blessings upon blessings.

My sister's baby, due any day!

Yep, we're standing.

Nothing like 110 degrees.

Grammie and her girls

Fishing with Pop Pop

First day of school!

The mess we make on a daily basis!

What to really leave behind...

2011-07-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

"I will extol you, My God and King, and bless your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your might acts."

Psalm 145: 1-4

'Tis the season of vacations, days at the beach, afternoons by the pool, sweet tea in hand. Traditions on the mind. Creating memories on the lists. Creating a home, a family unity.

After spending some time by the beach this past week with my dear family and sweet grandmother, I have also listened to stories of regret, stories of the past. Summers past. Things we wish we could change and do over.

Time flies. We all know it. I used to roll my eyes each time my nana would say it, but now I know it. The older you get, the faster time flies by.

Small decisions. Daily decisions add up into years, and years into a lifetime. What we do each day and each summer will add up. One day, I too will be 80, reflecting on what I passed down, on what I made important.

What will I pass down? What will remain when I leave? In one hundred years, will it matter where I vacationed, the traditions we kept, the recipes I passed along, how I cleaned the house? Even though I wish I knew my great grandmothers fail-proof recipe for cinnamon rolls or her favorite dinner recipe, does it really matter in the end?

Traditions. They matter, but we must remain focused. Are we family-centric or Christ-centric? Do we celebrate family or enjoy the family as we celebrate God? Our families must remain strong, so we can disciple and train, love and encourage, admonish and exhort, and our focus must be God's glory, not family fun. One must come before other.

I always have to check myself, when I start to get anxious about vacations, traditions and family fun. Holiday crafts, recipes and fun...all great, but none necessary. What will last? What matters? Who are we celebrating? Who are we trying to please? Do we want to be remembered, or do we want HIM to be remembered?

On vacation, it is tempting to throw all routine out the window and be free from all discipline, but now that my family knows about our family Bible time, we are held accountable....Praise the Lord. Girls wet and sandy from playing at the beach on a sunset walk in the sand, we scrubbed them down and huddled around the Bible and the guitar, read a Psalm, sang a song and prayed for our dear family and friends.

What a blessing. What a memory. What a tradition. I pray that in years to come, the one tradition that sticks is keeping God's word as our anchor, growing deep roots in His truth, and making His glory our top priority.

Remembering we can't trust our feelings or emotions. Though we are tired and burdened, with lots of family and friends, out of routine, making time to remember our God is the best thing we could ever do with our families. It even tops the sunset at the beach and sand between your toes. Rest is important, but rest can't be accomplished apart from Christ. He is our rest.

As Nate and I listen to my Nana recall summers past, and memories flood her mind, I am reminded again that God doesn't call for perfection, just praise. Each generation can build upon the last, by learning from past sins and victories. What a blessing to sit around a table with those who have gone before us, learning. Vacations. Such a sweet time to reflect on God's goodness and grace!

Sweet Nana...passing on the love for Jesus...4 generations deep!

It's all for you

2011-06-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

Palm Springs vacation. Nothing quite as cute as naps in strollers. Check this hotel out. So inexpensive in the spring! And a lovely place for families.

It has been a rough season. A season of sleeplessness. A season of tough family choices and changes. Blazing new trails, with three little children, seeking to please God in it all. But in the middle of it all, I am daily faced with a choice...will today be for you God or for me? Will I find comfort and strength in myself, my own understanding, my own ideas, or will I trust you God? Will I sacrifice the easy life for You? My Father and Creator? Sustainer and Redeemer?

I have been reminded over and over again, that if I am stressing out or anxious, it is an opportunity to reflect. Is my goal to obey and please God, and further glorify Him? If so, then I have the privilege of trusting in Him. Stop seeking to have the outcome be as I desire or the path be easy. Life is not meant to be easy. Not everyone is going to agree with my decisions. That is ok. If it is all for Jesus, then He is my audience. He is my motivation. He is the object of my affections and my daily toil.

Nope, we don't live in the country, put my sweet sis just moved near a bunch of ranches,
so for now, this is the closest we will get:)

As I change diapers, correct sinful attitudes and ways (in my children and myself), clean a forever messy house, submit to and love my husband (even when I don't understand), make difficult choices, I simply and quietly whisper to myself...."Lord, this is all for you. I do this for You. Because I love you."

On a family vacation in Palm Springs, we went to the Children's Discovery Museum. It is a must see if you are passing through or staying for a while. Imagination Fun!

What peace follows! God is faithful. His Spirit of peace dwells within me and always grants peace. I pray today you may have a day filled with peace, trusting in God's ways.

I don't know if you can see it, but this was a double rainbow! God is so good.

Happy Mother's Day!!

2011-05-07T22:07:00.000-07:00

***This post is being published by Casadeperkins' husband, who only wishes all readers to know she is very much appreciated***

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

Debra,

I am taken back daily at your imperishable beauty. Seven years ago when we covenanted to forsake all others, I did not know what I had. To be sure, I knew you were special and could not imagine being wedded to anyone else, but in this I am most greatly blessed. Just when I thought I had seen you at your best, we had Annabelle, and I got to see you as a mother (not just once but three times over!). In motherhood, your true greatness shows throughout. Not because you transverse everyday with ease and perfection, but because you have sought to be transformed into the image of Christ all along the way. In response to this beauty, I stand in awe. Our girls are so blessed to be discipled by such a wonderful mother; amother that will show them Christ in all things. In motherhood, you have joyfully chosen a lowly profession, in the world's eye, and present your beautiful humility. I cannot express my gratitude, appreciation, love for what you do, for who you are. Ultimately I know you have only desired to glorify our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, but in that pursuit you have graced and blessed our family with an immeasurable gift.

"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all,"

-Proverbs 31:29

Nate

Dear Mom

2011-05-02T07:31:00.000-07:00

I published this Thursday night, the day before I was to pick her after her exit interview. But I just didn't know if it was as honoring to my mom and glorifying to God as I had hoped. I am a perfectionist and I know that once words are spoken, it is nearly impossible to ever take them back. But somehow, after deleting it, my mom still found it and read it online! She loved it. So, without editing, here it is.

For my mom, the best mom, not because she is perfect, but because she loves Jesus and taught me to love Him too. Tomorrow will be her last official day as an employee at Disney, working for Buena Vista Home Entertainment for 31 years. It has been a process. Isn't it always? God's plan for our sanctification. A process. She has worked everyday, all day for as long as I can remember. We always knew she loved us, and I personally loved daycare and school, but we always knew something just wasn't right. Not to say working outside the home is an evil sin, but as children, we knew we should be with our mom, making food, cleaning house, being silly and just living together. But for the past 31 years, she has spent countless waking hours in a building in Burbank, giving a huge part of her life to a company.

As I began to have children of my own, wrestling with my own thoughts of motherhood, I wanted her home more than ever, encouraging her any chance I had that we don’t care about what she can buy us or where she lives….we just want her home! I wanted her to experience the blessing of homemaking and caring for family. When I look into my children's eyes, spending each day with my three special blessings, I can never imagine how hard it was for my dear mom to drop us off at 7am and pick us up at 6pm. How many tears she must have shed! How many years of exhaustion she must have suffered, struggling to be mother, full-time employee, wife, daughter and friend.

God had done a work in her lately, preparing for the next step in her life. Several weeks before she was let go, she prayed to God, asking Him to let her be home. What a scary request! Many years ago, my step dad encouraged her to stay home, but she wasn't ready. Now, with a large mortgage, debt, years of working behind her, three years from retirement, God had prepared her heart…she was ready. She wanted to care for her home and her family. So, God saw fit to use these current lay-offs to bless her. However, this isn't how anyone wants to leave a company! When my sister and I got the call from mom that she had been laid off, we immediately began planning a celebration party. Finally! Mom could be home. We didn't care how poor she will be or how it might affect us, we knew God had it all under control. What a scary endeavor for my mom! And now that you have the back story, a letter to my mom follows:

Dear mom,

Please, never think we could ever be upset with you for the years you worked. I know you carry around bags of inexpressible guilt for all those years you weren't with us. Please know that we love you. We know you love us. The best gift you ever gave us was the gift of Jesus, and that is all we ever needed. No amount of hours home could ever cure our sinful hearts. We need Jesus, and you so graciously shared Him with us. In tears I write you this letter, as I think of all the tears you have shed over your concern for us. Please remember that in our weakness, we are made strong in Christ. Stop striving for perfection or regretting your past. As you walk out those doors tomorrow and see my car waiting to pick you up, please smile. It will be a car full of girls waiting for their Nonni, waiting to celebrate Jesus in this moment. Celebrate Him working through you. Know that your years spent in that building were used by God. It wasn't a waste. I know you know that.

Yes, you wish it would have happened differently, all of it. The working. The leaving. The marrying. The divorcing. The choices. But please remember that in all of it, you showed us a humble heart willing to be molded by God. What a gift! And now, as I watch you walk this unknown road, you are doing it gracefully. Yes, you might lose your house. Yes, life will be a little more difficult, but you are so faithfully trusting in Jesus. God will guide you and you are ready. Thank you for this encouragement. And as the newness wears off, and life is back to normal for the rest of us, please remember that it is a great ministry to make dad smile when you make pot roast, or clean a nasty toilet, or talk to a friend, or hold a baby. You have been so "productive" for so long, and I want you to remember that it is okay to rest.

Sanctification is hard, but hard is good. I know you know this, but it is always good to be reminded:) I will always be here to hold your hand, brush your hair, rub your back or pray with you, and when you get older, I can't wait to take care of you!

Thank you mom. I love you.

p.s. remember, a park day with Nonni is just as exciting as a day at Disneyland....we get to teach these girls what fun is!!

The True "Me" Time

2011-02-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

My current to do list, as of 8:20pm:

empty dishwashwer
load dishwasher
fold laundry
call pediatrician
mop sticky floor
vaccuum
plan preschool for the next few months
put back 0-6 and 6-12 month bins of clothes in garage
take hour walk every other day, with 3 kids:)

Continuing the daily hunt, counting all the ways God loves me...remembering that my soul was created for praise, and in praise is where I will find rest, peace and joy. Praising God for this life and each moment.

Seeking to not believe the lie...escaping this life is not the answer. How will I face another day? How will I have enough energy, patience, kindness. I don't need a pedicure, massage, or night away to be ready to face another day...I need Jesus. I need to realign my heart with God's, seeing each moment as a gift!

So what is me time? It is feeding the soul what it really needs...gratitude!

Today I share in pictures...

lines of princesses

My 4 year old learning to right, and loving it.

rainbows on walks

beautiful winter days in so cal

the simple joy of bubbles

sweet perserverance of my middle

that apple that she asks for each morning at about 6:30, always lying there on the coffee table when she is finished...our special time

my coffee time

no more naps, learning to enjoy the afternoons with my oldest

chubby cheeks

Staring at this one all day!

remembering we are on the same team

2011-02-06T22:09:00.000-08:00

Yep, today my little Ava wore panties for the third day in a row. I am overjoyed. Relaxed. Really.

The experience with Annabelle, 2 years ago, was trying, to say the least.

We started too early, we were easily frustrated, annoyed and our expectations were too high, unrealistic.

This time around, I am all smiles. I am realistic. I expect dirty wet panties, but my goal is a happy child who has sister and mommy on her side. Who wouldn't want to please a mommy ready to smile and encourage for dry panties and simply trying? A smile is magical. It is God's grace flowing through me.

We all get candy, whenever she has success, and we all act like we just met Cinderella.
All of us.

Living as a family, a team, even when potty training.

And guess what? We are happy. I am not stressed. I have carpet cleaner ready and a hamper waiting for occupants, but mostly, we are waiting with lifesavers in hand and smiles. When we mess, oh well. Back to life. My expectations are realistic. She is learning.
Loving Ava. Being on her team. She is all smiles.

It isn't me versus her. We are working together, confident in her.
Joyful, peaceful potty training. Who knew?

Joyful, peaceful parenting....I am learning. slowly.

Lord, please show me how to parent and love with a smile, encouraging in all things. Show me how encouragement breeds joy and peace. We all need a team. When arms are flailing, tears falling, words cutting like swords and emotions running high, remind me they need training. Disappointment isn't necessary. We are in this together. Help me foster a community of encouragers within these four walls. Gracefully, learning together how to love and forgive.

Thanking God for this team, my team and His grace for each day....

just a few from #505-575...nuzzling noses, picnics, dishwasher box made into house, a tree for neighbor kids to climb on over, 3 am feedings, girls begging daddy to wrestle, reciting Sound of Music verbatim, twirling, holding hands, running in the wind, this book and the book club, carrot sticks and ranch, handprints on stainless steel, crumb covered floor, laughing till we cry...

What my children really need...

2011-01-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

I lie in bed, exhausted but awake, emotional. I turn to Nate, and he knows. It is one of those nights. I need to talk. Tears are begging to be let loose, but I try to hold it together. I mutter these words.

"Have I ruined my children? Am I ruining them?"

You know those feelings? You aren't enough. You can't be enough to those beautiful eyes that rely on you each and every moment of the day. I am not fun enough, creative enough, patient enough, kind enough, loving enough. I don't have enough energy.

I don't look into his eyes, because I know I'll cry, and I know we both just need some sleep. So, I close my eyes, hoping that he will give me some sort of encouragement. Deep down, I want him to tell me I am wonderful, a perfect mother, who will raise perfect children with no faults, no insecurities, and no problems.

However, instead, he rolls over and speaks truth, saying, "They are already ruined, Deb. They were born ruined." They just need us to show them Jesus, their Savior.

I knew that. But I still had this great fear. Fear that I could mess them up, even more. Forgetting I am a sinner, they are sinners...all in need of a Savior.

Fear. Fear is not from God.

We are hungry for healing. My brokenness, their brokenness can lead me to Christ. It can send me to my knees for the grace to overcome my sin, my impatience, my exhaustion....

I can't be enough for my children, but everytime I fail and fall short, I can point them to Jesus and press on. They can learn how to humble themselves, ask forgiveness and turn from their sinful ways.

Praise God, I don't have to be enough. Jesus is!

Marriage as worship

2011-01-26T13:39:00.000-08:00

Nate and I on our honeymoon, almost seven years ago.

I am joining Ann over the next few Wednesdays in thinking on marriage as Valentine's Day approaches. Oh Valentine's Day, a funny day. As I think of where we have been and our history, I am flooded with memories of dating, 15 and 16, clueless of true love, dating as the world dates, seeking to fill a void that only He can fill. Each Valentine's Day, I would dream of all the ways Nate could lavish gifts on me and surprise me with special treats, hoping he could satisfy my desire to be wooed. Wishing for excitement, romance and emotional bliss, and yet, each year, I was a little disappointed, fawning over all the ways other girls were spoiled. This, obviously, translated into our every day relationship, and later, our marriage.

I was the focus.

How will he love me, serve me, spoil me, be sweet to me? Why won't he do this or that? The poor guy could never win. I was hoping for a husband that would make me fill loved, desired, perfect, beautiful and special. I didn't realize that I already had the great Lover of my soul living within me.

It is no wonder the beginning of marriage was difficult. I was hoping for Nate to be the spiritual leader of our home. He wasn't living up to my expectations. My focus was still on what he could do for me.

I praise the Lord my eyes have been opened. I was living for myself, seeking my own gain. Idol worship. And I thought I could get Nate to live for me also. What a disappointing road I was on, and then God got a hold of my heart and revealed where I had gone wrong. Over the years, I have learned.

Marriage is an act of worship.

A way to serve my creator, give thanks to my creator. I am committing idol worship when I am focused on what Nate could be for me, instead of what I can be for Christ. This requires daily reprogramming. On my knees, coming to the Lord for a steady focus. I too easily become self-serving, self-focused and concerned with pleasing myself. Have I not learned yet that it is impossible to please myself, let alone for Nate to please me. The Maker of my soul alone can satisfy.

God is so good. As I daily seek to worship Him by serving Nate and making my home, Nate becomes more of a leader, my home becomes a retreat for the weary and a beacon of truth. Our relationship as husband and wife is fulfilling, because our focus is no longer our fickle selves, but we are focused on the goodness of God all around us.

Humility precedes wisdom. I must remember the sin I have been delivered from and the gift of marriage and family that I have been given as an act of God's grace. Grace. It is all grace. My eyes can only be fixed on one thing at a time. Myself or God. When I am wishing he would be better or be doing something more, my focus is wrong. Each moment of the day is a way to worship God, by serving those in my home.

When I am the focus, this home can crumble. O Lord, as I look on this day, this Valentine's Day, may I love selflessly, with no expectation of return, no matter how he is acting or loving me. May I love as you love. Graciously, lavishly. May I be frivolous in how I serve, seeking to worship you in how I love. May I be reminded this Valentine's Day that you are the Lover of my soul, the great giver of life, and you alone deserve the glory. You can be trusted. You will satisfy.

Words that give life - Cultivating a Place of Grace

2011-01-20T15:11:00.000-08:00

Almost a month into the new year, our new baby Daisy is nearly three months old, and I am finally finding my bearings. Feeling somewhat rested, confident to venture out or stay in, feeling a little more comfortable in my skin...a mother of three and wife of almost seven years. I am finding my days to be refining, to say the least. My days begin before the sun rises as little Ava wakes me up, saying "Mommy, it is a little morning time....I see the sun. Look, mom! You see? We can wake up now! May I have an apple?" Everyday, no matter what. We eat, we play princesses and dress up, we read and read and read, we take walks, go to the park, do laundry, do chores and stay home a lot. I love my days. But as most days go, I find myself coming up short.

When I am exhausted, lonely and trying to live life on my own, my words go south. I raise my voice, my face is mean and my words cut like swords. I see it in their faces. Tears stream down their faces and their hearts break. My heart drops. I have done it again. Even though I apologized yesterday and last week and the month before, I did it again. How can this happen? Repentance is making a u turn, turning away from my sin. How can I keep tearing down those whom I love the most?

I need to trust God and His word. It is better to be quick to hear and slow to speak. I need to answer contention and disobedience in my home with gracious words, smiles, hugs and patience. And it is by God's grace and His work in me alone, that I can breath His life into my home and the lives that live here. I can give life, not death. My home can be a place of grace. Law must exist to understand grace, but love must cover all I do here. I must remember to expect sin, expect brokenness from fallen creatures. Why am I always surprised? High goals but low expectations...be ready to battle sin with love.

As voices rises, when patience runs thin and my children disobey, harsh words are never the answer. The answer to strife is quietness. Gracious words. A calm answer to a moment gone wrong. Their stiff bodies soften, their faces show smiles, and we experience unity again as we seek to right the wrong, expose sin and turn our hearts toward Jesus. Harshness is never the answer. They will not be encouraged to grow or change. I will not be building them up in the Lord or encouraging them to obey God or see Christ in each situation.

Proverbs 15:1,18 says, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger...A hot-tempered man stirs up strif, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention."

I have been practicing, and you know what, God's word remains true. I still correct my children, but when I am tempted to be angry and speak harshly which will only tear down, I remain calm and share God's truth with a smile. I point their hearts to Jesus who can take our hearts of stone and give us new hearts. I have found that most often, a hug will soften my ugly heart and prepare the hearts of my girls to receive instruction. It sounds crazy, but love is the answer. They still need disicipline, and I still need to be firm and consistent, but that can be covered in love and guided by soft words. It has been refreshing and encouraging. Our days are smoother, and I have less frustration when conflict arises. Conflict will happen. What can I control? My tongue. What can I control? My face. What can I control? My tone. What is the goal? Unity and restoration.

So needless to say, this is one of many habits I will cling to this new year. I will be revisiting it often. I pray we all can gain this self-discipline.

Much Love!

"...though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet...."

2010-12-13T22:11:00.000-08:00

The weight of this sinful world can weigh heavy. In every way. Today I have found encouragement knowing that this is My Father's World. It belongs to no one else, and He alone is in control. Sin will be conquered. Praise God for who He is...my faithful God. There is no place for growing weary in doing good, for "though the wrong seems often so strong, God is the ruler yet." What comfort I find in that truth. On those long and lonely days, I need to be reminded of whom I serve. When doubt creeps in, and my mind stray from pleasing the Creator to pleasing man, I must remember whom I serve. I pray you are blessed by this video of my new favorite song, an old hymn sung beautifully by Jadon Lavik.

Counting God's graces #480-492

A father's prayer of blessing over a little girl on her 4th birthday....yep, my little girl is 4!

A castle cake, and the smile she had when being sung to

A dirty floor, a sink piled high, and the trash overflowing: the sign of a grand celebration

The simple joys

Rest for the weary soul

Advent

Snuggling up with the little ones to read book, after book, after book...

Organized garage

My handy firefighter husband building me a magnetc chalkboard

Daisy in the arms of her great grandmother

Forgiveness given from my little blessing...oh how often I need it.

Singing my girls to sleep

When you need a reminder....

2010-12-06T07:27:00.000-08:00

You know those days. Those days where you didn't have a chance to shower, curl your hair, put on make-up...let's just face...you didn't even have time to look at yourself in the mirror before you entered the public world. Those days where you are grateful that at least something fits! I had one of those days.

Walking the mall and its new promenade with Nate and the girls, Daisy draped over me in a wrap. And then it happens. I spot an old friend and his wife, beautifully dressed with coffee in hand. They have two children but always seem perfect.

Don't you like how our minds deceive us, and we are so quick assume and to care about this external world that will be passing away. I try not to say hi, but how can a family my size go unnoticed:) We talk and catch up, and I loved seeing their smiling faces and showing them the baby, but the rest of the day I am left doubting. Doubting I am beautiful enough to love, beautiful enough to be friended, and simply good enough. I catch myself thinking about all the ways I will fix it. I will color my hair, get a new cut, put more makeup on, wake up earlier so I can do my hair, go on a diet to lose those necessary pounds...and the list could go on.

I am almost in tears, feeding the baby, and I look to Nate. He knows something is eating away at me. I ask, "Where is my encouragement? Speak God's words into me. I feel worthless." He graciously shows me life giving words that speak the truth into my aching soul. I was ready to believe the lie. The lie that I am worthless and that true beauty can be seen. Beauty is fleeting, but I still desire it.

I Peter 3:3-4
"Do not let your adorning be external--the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. "

I Timothy 2:9
"..women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works."

Nate whispers in my ear, "It is precious to me too." And he leaves the room. I just sit and think. The imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit...modesty, self-control and good works. These are possible in Christ. These things are what lead to joy and contentment. Makeup won't fix it. Losing weight won't bring it. Beautiful hair won't make him love me more. Christ looks at the heart. Praise God for gifting us His spirit who can make this dirty, sinful wretch beautiful again.

Counting Christ's many blessings...#458-468

~ cream for coffee
~ sweet neighbors to share dinner and fellowship
~ hand-me-down clothes for my ever growing girls
~ lunch with mom, nonni holding my baby
~ the first smile from baby Daisy
~ video monitor
~ bottled water
~ Nate and all the undeserved forgiveness he grants
~ Advent...candles, wreaths, trees, songs....excitement:)
~ I can do all things through Christ who strenghthens me, including memorize Ephesians with Nate...ahhh!
~ True beauty can't be seen. Gray hairs, extra weight and wrinkles are not the enemy. Fixing up this dying body riddled with sin is the not the cure. Seeking the things above and giving my heart over to the Spirit is the cure. I need not do anything. Thank you Lord for your abundant grace. For never giving up on one
who always forgets.....

***Beautiful, creative picture reminding me of my HOPE in Christ, from my sweet neighbor at the home birth. Check her out!

Feeling a Little Lost and Knowing the Only Cure

2010-11-22T23:22:00.000-08:00

It is 3am, as I sit in the glider, rocking my new babe. My eyes are heavy and my mind is wandering. Overwhelmingly exhausted, I don't know how I will every make it through. My days are busy with nursing, catching up on every type of house chore imaginable, and living life with with a three year old and two year old. My life is busy, and yet we never leave the house. Within in the walls of our 1300 sq. ft. house, we wake early, play dollhouse, eat meals, make messes, read books and nurse (a lot). It is easy for life to feel monotonous as my dragging body thirsts for rest. I feel lost. I yearn for the days of a baby who sleeps through the nights, and yet....will that cure what needs healing? Will sleep fix what is broken?

I am reminded...the joy of the Lord is my strength. He is all I need.

There is joy to be found in the everyday moments shared with newborns and preschoolers.

Gratitude brings joy. The inexpressible gift is what brings joy in every moment of the day.

I am reminded by Ann in her Parenting Manifesto of Joy, that I can only feel one feeling at a time, and I choose to give thanks at all times. I will fight feeling with feeling. I will not be overwhelmed. I will not feel sorry for myself. I will not be frustrated or impatient. Today I will choose gratitude.

So today I choose to enjoy each moment as a gift from the Gift. Enjoy the messes. Enjoy the chaos. Enjoy midnight feedings. Enjoy, poopy diapers (from two children:). Enjoy this wonderful life is wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. Count my blessings from the Blessing.

Why have I stopped counting my gifts as a part of the Gratitude Community? It is a discipline I never should have laid aside. The only cure to discontentment and a lack of joy is gratitude. So, here I begin again. Counting my many blessings this beautiful Monday evening...

425. Midnight feedings for my little babe

426. A Savior, ever patient with my slow learning

427. A sister who lives close, able to share a spontaneous lunch together

428. A mom who took the day off, just to pamper us and play

429. Diapers and wipes....what blessing:)

430. Making pumpking pie with my two big girls.....oh the glorious mess!

431. That all things are sacred. My everyday life is holy unto God. Laundry, meal plans, and mopping.

432. Paper plates

433. Coffee and cream

434. The joyous laughter of two girls who are supposed to be sleeping

Daisy's Story in Pictures

2010-11-04T15:31:00.000-07:00

For those of you who aren't friends with me on facebook, you can check out my neighbor's blog. She is a beautifully artistic photographer and did a fabulous job capturing Daisy's birth story. If you are interested, go visit her site here. Just beware, there is a placenta shot, but other than that, she kept it very modest and tasteful. She is so great at telling stories through pictures:) Thanks Sarah!

Homebirth Chronicles: Baby Daisy is Here!

2010-10-24T09:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I am finally showered, I have finished off a pumpkin pie (all by myself), I have had some coffee, and Nate is at church with the two girls. Daisy is sleeping, and now I can update you all on the last few days. I know I haven't blogged in awhile, which my family likes to remind me often:), but we have been a little distracted waiting for little Miss Daisy Hope to arrive. Nate has been home for three weeks, and we have been trying to wait patiently. We have done practically every family outing you could possibly do together, and still, we couldn't help but get a little anxious! But God has been abundantly gracious in blessing us with our third little girl, healthy and alive. What an undeserved gift!!!!

So here is how it all went down. After the due date, October 14th, came and went, we began pondering how we could naturally induce, since we know that our midwife cannot allow us to go past 42 weeks. We tried some castor oil, and that was just nasty and sent me to the bathroom for the rest of the day. The midwife stripped my membranes, which really means she just tried to stimulate the cervix and coax it along. That is definitely not pleasant and for me, super painful. So, I wasn't too happy at this point! Tuesday we went to the specialist, just to make sure she was all well, and by God's good grace, fluid levels were high and she was cozy. They guessed her weight at 8 lbs 7 oz, and he told me that if I hadn't delivered in a week, he would recommend induction. Thursday morning, we went in for a heartbeat check, and the midwife recommended stripping my membranes again and doing a double duty castor oil dose. I was not looking forward to this. After her appointment, we headed to get donuts and go to the pumpkin patch. We all had one last bit of fun at yet another family outing:) We came home and I had to drink 2 separate doses of 3 ounces of castor oil, one hour apart. I had a meltdown. I was physically and emotionally spent, and I was feeling so much pressure to have this baby, but I had no control over when God was ready to bring her. I cried, and then I had to "man up" and just chug it! I drank one dose with a whole lot of root beer, and the next dose with orange juice. I absolutely never want to do that again! But after that, we knew we had done everything you could do naturally. We were waiting to see where God would lead, and we were preparing our minds for the idea of inducing in the hospital.

I made some good steaks for dinner with potatoes and vegies, and we snuggled by a fire and had one last Bible time as a family of four. We were tired. Tired of waiting. And I was tired of being sent to the bathroom every hour, thanks to that fabulous oil! As I was browsing sale items online at Old Navy, around 10pm, it was getting harder to decipher between my stimulated bowels and if I was having contractions. At 10:30, Nate was keeping track of them, and they were about 5 minutes apart, lasting 30-40 seconds, but they were so mild. We called the midwife to warn her it may be that night, and then we called some family, to warn them too. Nate and I kept track of them till midnight or so, and then we dozed off. My sister came knocking at the door and todl me she just wanted to be here, so she slept on couch. At 3:30 am, the contractions woke me up, and now they were 2 minutes apart, lasting 1 to 2 minutes each. We knew it was close. I called the midwife, and she was happy to hear my voice and headed over fast. I got dressed, Nate started prepping the tub. I started walking around my cul-de-sac with my sis. Family started arriving around 4am, and I was fine in between contractions, but during each one, I could feel the head move down...yikes!

Probably 30 minutes later, I headed inside to the houseful of loving family and friends, knowing the contractions were getting tougher and the midwife would want to check me. My room was all ready, bed made and tub filling with warm water, thanks to my awesome family and hubby and two great midwives! She checked me, and I was at 8cm during contractions and 6cm in between. I was so happy to labor holding Nate's hand and having mom rub my back. The girls were woken up, and Annabelle was rubbing me too and holding my hand. She and daddy recited Daisy's verse for me, Psalm 62:5-6. As soon as the tub was full of warm water, I hopped in, and then I was able to really relax. It was so weird trying to find a good position, but the water felt great, and I was able to give into the contractions more. It was still awful pain, but it was more manageable than my last three. Before you know it, I felt the head move all the way down and she was there. I knew I had to push, but I didn't want to. I HATE pushing! I was squatting while leaning over the side of the tub, and I told Renee she was right there, and everyone stopped. Renee and Nate came around behind me to deliver the baby, and friends and family came in the room. I was definitely freaking out, but I just pushed through it, and out came the head. Nate had to pull off the bag from around her body (I now know that is called being "born in the caul"). One more push, and she was out. I turned over and they put her on my chest. She was born at 5:18am. What a crazy experience!!!

She stayed with me until the placenta and everything else was delivered, and then we transferred to the bed. For the next couple of hours they had to work to stabilize my blood pressure. My blood clots so well, but this time, my uterus wasn't contracting and hardening as much as it should. So some blood loss along with possible dehydration, they put me on an IV and gave me some medicine similar to pitocin but milder. I am feeling great, and baby is well. Praise the Lord. Baby ended up weighing in at 8lbs 2 ounces and measuring 21 1/2 inches long, almost a pound more than my two other girls, and an inch and a half longer! I praise God for such a wonderfully smooth delivery. Thank you for all your prayers. My sweet neighbor who took pics of Paul's birth was also able to be present for this birth, so many more beautiful pics to come:)

Remembering God's Goodness

2010-10-03T21:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Paul!

One year ago today, I experienced an overwhelming amount of joy and peace.

One year ago today, I experienced true community.

One year ago today, I came to understand God's sovereignty just a little more.

One year ago today, God saw it best to take my baby Paul away just 90 minutes after birth.

After carrying him for 35 weeks, it was his time to be born.

The doctors said he would miscarry early on, but he stayed alive.

I got to love him and nurture him for 9 months. What a gift!

I have spent time reliving the special day with family and friends, and I have had so much fun doing it! When a child is born, it is amazing and overwhelming. You are humbled to realize you are not in control and that you need the peace of God that transcends all understanding to lead you. You need God's strength to continue on, and you need God's people to encourage you through. God provided all of those facets of His love to me and Nate that special day just one year ago.

As I am BEYOND uncomfortable, ready to give birth to another new gift from God any day, I am reminded that pregnancy is a gift. It is a chance to serve another just as Christ came to give Himself for me. I am humbled. God is so good. And I pray that today, October 4th, can serve as a great reminder to all of us that God is good. He has us in His hands. He will always take care of us. Nothing is out of His control. We just need to abide in Him, seek Him and the things above and all the rest will be added unto us. No worries. Yes, I am still brought to tears when I think of losing my firstborn son...but then I remember...he is not lost. He is safe in the arms of God.

Homebirth Chronicles

2010-09-04T21:40:00.000-07:00

The anticipation is killing us! This is new territory for us...a homebirth. Each appointment with the midwife, it becomes more real that we will be welcoming a new person into this world, and AT HOME! Since most people think we are nuts, and some are just plain intrigued and have lots of questions (most of the questions we had too!), I thought it would be fun to simply chronicle the next 5 weeks as we prepare for a homebirth. Tub preparation, supply prep and sterilization, and etc...

So, here goes.

We received our supplies box, and I had it sit on my dresser for a few days, as the paint guy was finishing up our bedroom/bathroom and as Nate was finishing up some house projects. By the way, this was the first time we ever paid someone to paint for us and it was heavenly! I am usually 8 months pregnant and painting something! Anyways, that is beyond the point. Annabelle couldn't wait to open the box, and I actually couldn't either! It has some of the normal stuff that you see at the hospital, but then there was this comfrey tea. Interesting. Later the midwife told me that I am going to prepare my own iced pads (you know, those heavenly ice packs you get to wear right after delivery?) . Well, to prep these, I make this comfrey tea, soak the pads in the tea, and freeze them. This tea is supposed to be more healing than simply comforting. I will let you know how that one goes! And then there are straws...hmmmm...I will have to ask the midwife what those are gonna be for:)

Later, I will show you the list of things I have to simply have ready or sterilize at home. This is definitely getting interesting. But since we have finally gotten the insurance stuff nailed down, I am happy and ready to go. So check out the list of things in the box. Interesting. We have no idea what we are getting ourselves into, except that we will be able to labor and deliver with family and girls nearby just the way we like (Lord willing there are no complications!)

And by the way, her name is Daisy Hope Perkins, so you can start praying for her by name:)

35 - Underpads, 23" x 24"

1 - Vinyl Sheet, 96" x 120"

1 - Peri Irrigation Bottle

1 - Bulb Syringe, 3oz

15 - Gauze, 4" x 4", Package of 2

1 - Alcohol Prep Pads, Med, 20/pk

1 - Flexible Straws, 10/pk

1 - Sanitary Pad, Dozen

1 - Lubricating Jelly, 4oz Bottle

8 - Single Gloves, Latex, Medium

1 - Basic Cotton Baby Cap

1 - Sterile Cord Tape

1 - Digital Thermometer

1 - Povidone Solution, 8 oz

1 - Sterilization Pouch

2 - Waste Bags, 30 gallon

1 - Wish Garden Herbal Cord Care

1 - Comfrey Leaf Herb, 4 oz

1 - Almond Oil, 4 oz

"I can't!"

2010-08-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

Feeding Betty Lou at the Santa Barbara Zoo

So, there I was, laying on the rug in the living room, flipping through my Ball Canning and Preserving book, trying to distract myself from the aches and pains of pregnancy. I asked Nate to come over and talk to me, because I was having a hard time emotionally handling the feeling of my body falling apart. I had 8 weeks to go and had no idea how my body was going to handle the extra weight.

I felt weak. I felt tired. I felt scared.

I know this is the hard time. It always is. The third trimester is hard, uncomfortable, and tiring, and I know that in 8 weeks, I will be holding a baby and know it was all worth it. I will look you in the eyes and tell you I will do it all over again to have another one. But right now, I was discouraged.

Nate so sweetly came to my side, and as I explained to him my feelings, I began to cry, sharing my raw emotions. "How will my body hold up? Can I really do this again?". He just looked at me with a sweet grin and then laid down next to me, just holding me tight as tears ran down my face.

After some sobbing and some silence, he said, "Debra, I am so grateful that you are willing to serve our baby girl in this way."

What a thought. I knew this. But my emotions and feelings had gotten the best of me. Servanthood. That is what this life is all about...selfless servanthood. This is where I need to be. Sacrificing ease and comfort to be used by God to bring another baby in the world who can know my Lord and Savior....YES, sign me up.

In the last week, Nate and I have been discussing this all too often place we find ourselves in...the I CAN'T place. As a sinful race, we try to flee from it. We like control. We like easy. We like convenient. Our pride blinds us from the reality that we can never do it on our own.

Where we are weak, He is strong. I CAN'T is the best place to be. It is here where I am reminded that I can't live on my own strength. I need God every moment of the day. It is these days where I am brought to my knees with cares, concerns, and anxiety where I can find my strength in God. It is here where I realize my utter hopelessness without my Creator. I should seek to always be here, live here, dwell and abide in this scary place where I have no control and I give all control to Christ.

So today, I praise God for this place of I CAN'T. I thank Him for reminding me that I never can. Like Eve, I believe the lie that God isn't looking out for my best, and therefore I need to look out for myself. Thank you God for still loving me and granting me another daughter to teach me this wonderful lesson. Each day is not my own, but Yours. I can never do it without You. I pray I remember that, always. Each day should begin seeking you and never stopping.

A Signpost

2010-08-08T18:01:00.000-07:00

Vacations are over and baby is just 9 weeks away. I am so glad summer is still here and will be here in Southern California for a couple more months:) However, I am having a little trouble over here in blog world. This blog began like most do, just a place to display pictures of my beautiful little Annabelle (I was a very proud parent!) Then, I began to mingle posts in that focused on things that God was teaching me, which directly lead into the path God led us down with the conception, pregnancy, birth and death of our baby Paul. And this is where I am now. I am struggling to blog...I have many things I would love to write about, but I struggle knowing whether my words have any importance. What would God have me write. I know that once words are said, it is impossible to take them back. The words I choose are important. So. Why blog? And if blog, what do you blog about?

On the other hand, I know how blessed I have been by other people's stories. God's truths can come alive and I can be redirected to love Him more in all I do when I read about the struggles and triumphs of others. I can walk with them and be encouraged by them. Stories are helpful, and God uses stories to direct and redirect us. I am not crafty, nor am I an expert in anything, but I am a mom and a wife seeking to serve God in all I do and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. That said, there is plenty to write on!

So, this is where I have ended up. I will still blog, even though I can't imagine anyone would really want to read about my life, my family or my walk with the Lord, yet I pray that all I say will direct you to God's word and a complete devotion to living for Him. I pray that if you like something I write, that you will thank God for His words, and if you don't like what I write, just ignore me:)

A.W. Tozer said it perfectly in God's Pursuit of Man:

The worst thing a book can do for a Christian is to leave him with the impression that he has received from it anything really good; the best it can do is to point the way to the Good he is seeking. The function of a good book is to stand like a signpost directing the reader toward the Truth and the Life. That book serves best which early makes itself unnecessary, just as a signpost serves best after it is forgotten, after the traveler has arrived safely at his desired haven. The work of a good book is to incite the reader to moral action, to turn his eyes toward God and urge him forward. Beyond that it cannot go.

Amen! So, I will use his words and say that it is my goal in this blog to serve as a signpost, directing you all to the only true Good of Christ our Savior. I may use real life stories, struggles and triumphs, but I pray that this little meager blog will serve as a place that will point you Home.

With much love,
Deb

My July

2010-07-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

No, I haven't forgotten about blogging...we have just been super busy going on road trips, hanging with family at the beach and now in Virginia with my dad. We have been to Texas for a Vision Forum conference, and we are going to a homeschool conference this coming weekend with some dear friends and to visit my friends from www.preschoolersandpeace.com. I am 29 weeks pregnant, so I only have 11 weeks to go. We are planning on a homebirth with a wonderfully attentive and knowledgeable midwife, so stay tuned to hear how that goes:) I will get back to blogging when I get home from VA. God bless!

A Habit Formed

2010-06-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

We finally did it! We have finished Psalms. Six months ago, Nate and I decided to try and read a portion of the Bible at each meal. It seemed daunting, but we knew that it would be a great habit for our family to practice. We had our doubts. What happens when we aren't at home? What if our girls are two young to understand what we are reading? What if we forget?

However, we had a principal that was greater than our doubts. We cannot eat on bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.

If we fail to read the Bible during our personal time with God, that doesn't mean we stop all together, right? If we can't understand all we read one day personally, that doesn't mean we stop reading the Bible forever, right?

The blessings have been overwhelming. Our girls now know that we don't leave the table without opening God's word and tasting of Truth. It took us 6 months, but we did it! Small chunks at a time, some meals were great, where everyone was attentive and Annabelle asked questions and we had songs to go with a Psalm that we sang together. Other meals...not so much:) Some meals, we had to patiently train our crying, whining children to sit still and be respectful while we read God's word. Other times, we had to fight Ava just to finish her food, which is never conducive for a family Bible study. However, we were all trained, that no matter the circumstances, God's word is our light that we are lost without. We have learned a lot! The kids love holding their own Bibles and pretending to read along, and they love to say verses after us, however, every few weeks we try and different method in reading and learning together, but the principal stays the same: we need to renew our minds daily!

I once read, "First of all, it must be said that children get something out of everything they experience...Plus, nobody gets everything out of anything, particularly a sermon. We take them to the library and they do not get everything out of what is there. They listen to all of our conversation, but don’t think for a minute that everything goes over their heads.

There is great value for a very young child experiencing the deep and authentic worship of the church. Something is being transferred as they watch their fathers give of the family resources during the offering. As they grow up, their understanding will increase. Something is being transferred as they watch the adults “worship in spirit and in truth” (John 4:23).

They don’t get everything, but they can get something from observing the fervency and genuineness of the church’s expression of love for God, dependence upon Him, and joy in Him. This is the value of having children in church.

Children progressively understand what a parent and the wider church members love and appreciate. Year after year, their understanding builds. Year after year, the well is filling up. The cumulative effect of deep and significant thinking and activities is what we are looking for." Scott Brown, NCFIC.org (to read the full article, go here.)

Even if it seems over their head, they are gleaning what is important in life, or rather, what is not important in our lives.

The conversations that began at each meal were much richer than if we had never consulted God before we left the table. My mind was redirected and refocused, whether I had been having a rough day with the girls or Nate and I had been having a hard day. The conversations between Nate and I have been wonderful. Again, not every meal is peaches n cream, however, as a family, we have now finished Psalms and created a new habit that we hope will stay strong in our children's lives forever.

And now, on to Proverbs:)

I pray you too can find a few times through the day that are "hard stops", as Ann Voskamp puts it. Times, where even if the day is crazy and routine has been lost, times that you stop and gather around the only thing that will bring life.

When I am Tempted

2010-06-17T21:55:00.000-07:00

Tonight, as I waddle past the girls' rooms to grab sippy cups of water, I am tempted. Tempted to feel fat. Tempted to feel like the budget is too tight. Tempted to feel lonely after two days with Nate. Tempted. Tempted to be discontent. Tempted to be selfish. Tempted to forget why I am here. Tempted to stop disciplining my thoughts, dwelling on things that are lovely, pure, excellent, true, right and worthy of praise (Phil 4:8).

And then, my sweet girls remind me of the blessings He has given me from above. As I turn the corner down the hall to hand them their cups, I hear Annabelle yell out from her room, "Ava, I love you!", and Ava replies, "I love you too Annabelle," in her oh so sweet and little voice. Annabelle says, "Thank You!" This goes on back and forth for a little while, and I relish in it. I close my eyes and enjoy two little girls loving on each other. One day, they will share a room, but for now, sleeping at night together just doesn't work and leads to late nights of craziness. They want so badly to share a room, but they just aren't ready..and they know that, so they resort to yelling through walls. I love it!

I hand them their cups and pray with them each individually and leave their rooms. Annabelle yells out, asking if she can "read" her Bible for just a little longer, and I smile.

My realization: My weight gain isn't that bad, the aches and pains are worth it, and I would stay on a strict budget for the rest of my life just so I could stay home and serve this amazing family God has blessed me with. And I am not alone...I have two sweet daughters who lighten up my day.

I pray I don't forget, but REMEMBER all God has done in my life and for me. My husband. My children. The blessing of staying home. The joy of serving! I pray my eyes can refocus on Him.

I pray that you may also spend your days REMEMBERING God's goodness in each part of your life.

Just Busy Enjoying

2010-06-08T07:38:00.000-07:00

One day at Bible Time, Ava asks, "Mama, when is this baby gonna go to heaven?" Annabelle doesn't wait to answer, and with a loud and firm voice, she declares, "Ava, this baby is not going to heaven! We get to play with this baby and hold her and feed her!" The smile on Annabelle's face was priceless, and I couldn't help but laugh. Annabelle gets it. What a gift this little life growing inside of me is, and her sisters can't wait to meet her! 22 weeks and her kicks keep getting stronger:)

I am often overwhelmed by the fact I have been entrusted with these children, amazing blessings. I have this call to train them up, in all areas of life. What a huge responsibility! This I why I have to take baby steps, or else it seems too much. We have been busy, simply enjoying the world around us and thanking God for it. Preschoolers love this, and it is easy for a pregnant mom too! We have been gardening, well, attempting at gardening! (If any of you have helpful handbooks or websites, this city girl can use all the help she can get)The girls love plucking off strawberries, and we love to daily check on our lemons, tomatoes and zucchini. God's goodness is all around us, and we are trying to acknowledge God in all we do, thanking Him for every gift.

A fun day at the Santa Barbara Zoo and a stop at a fruit stand on the way home. Some scared faces in the Spider exhibit, and some fun on the hill that is designated for sliding down. Perfect for little ones!

Impromptu dress up and silliness!

A wee little bit of preschool...A Chicka Chicka Boom Boom Tree

One of our first zucchini flower...can't wait:)

Praising God....my list continues...

#397. Air conditioning just replaced yesterday....ahhhh

398. Fresh Fruit

399. Cracked heels on my worn out feet, readily welcoming many summer days of no shoes:)

400. Warm Summer Nights

401. My girls begging for "just one more book"

402. Hand-me-down maternity clothes from friends

403. Special gifts from mom

404. Reorganizing and nesting

405. Four days spent with Nate home...lots of eating and playing

406. A summer filled with fun...we can't wait.

407. Homemade cinnamon rolls

I pray you can relish in God's gifts today, no matter what He may bring your way today. I am again encouraged at http://www.aholyexperience.com/ that the only way to truly live life is through a daily discipline of thanksgiving to the Giver of life..true life.

All is Grace

2010-05-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

I am humbled. Simply humbled by how God's hand moves. In one year, I am more in love with my Savior, my husband, and my role as mommy, and yet, looking back, it was the hardest year of my life.

I am also humbled by how God gave me, a wretched sinner, the opportunity to speak at our local MOPS last week, sharing my story with moms. I daily fail, and I am broken, and I am humbled by such an opportunity. I remember sitting in my living room with two close friends, intent on accountability and prayer, asking God to use me. Just use me Lord. I know it is going to be uncomfortable and hard, having to reach out of my comfort zone, but please use me. Little did I know that God would...however, not the way I had planned. I thought I would have to get the courage to have a neighbor over for dinner or something similar. I never would have imagined that the best thing for me would be to carry baby Paul for 9 months and send him straight to Jesus.

I am overwhelmed to be able to see God using that time in my life so soon. Nate and I were ready to never really see the benefits of such suffering, in our lives and in others. But Praise the Lord...He was able to speak through me last Thursday, and even though I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep that well the night before and woke up at the crack of dawn the morning of, He did provide a peace that surpasses all understanding. I was able to read His word and share my story. What fun!

What a year! What a couple of years...if you count our MRSA saga (which, BTW, we have been absent from an outbreak since January:)!!!

If you wish to hear what I had to say last week as I shared my tesitmony, you can click on this link. This mainly is for friends and family who couldn't be there with me on Thursday, but for those of you who are in the same spot I was in a year ago, I pray you can find strength and peace hearing a piece of God's story. His handiwork in my life. Warning: I am not a seasoned speaker. I am just a mom. One very emotional mom. So listen at your own risk:)

Love you all
Deb

It's a Girl!

2010-05-25T21:38:00.000-07:00

I am proud to announce that our little sweet thing, expected in mid-October, is a GIRL! Yep, another sister and another sweet bundle of joy. We were overjoyed to see a healthy ultrasound with plenty of amniotic fluid for our sweet girl to swim around in. It is to God whom we give all the glory, honor and praise, and we are humbled that He entrusts us with another girl to raise up to follow Him. Please continue to keep us in your prayers. 20 weeks along and 20 weeks to go:)

Love you all
Deb

This One's for Mom!

2010-04-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

While battling exhaustion and sickness, we were able to spend the last month saturated with family time. What a blessing. Family is a blessing. Family is where God's word is taught, trained, shown and spread. The family is where God's truth becomes real and where we are all tested. In family, there is much honesty, confession, repentance and forgiveness. In family, we see our need for God. In family, we are encouraged to keep fighting. In family, we are reminded we are not alone. Thank you Lord for family! I pray we never forget why we breathe each breath and why we have children and stay home to care for them....to fear God, love God, serve God and train others to do the same. And that is why we wake up every morning. Love you all and pray you can be reminded of God's blessing in family today.

A little time at Disneyland with Nonni and Aunt Robyn!

Minnie is still famous in our house, because she has a pink house and polka dot bed:)

Special times for Easter, beginning with a sunrise church service with two groggy girls and Aunt Robyn and Uncle Sam. An empty tomb cake, which the girls still talk about:) And an attempt at a family picture to remember the times we set aside to glorify God and teach His truths to the kids.

The cake was the end of our scavenger hunt....and Brandon was the star of the show:)

Our 12 Week Old Blessing!

2010-04-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

The crazy thing is that God isn't any more good now than he was 12 months ago when we found out about Paul's obstructed bladder and our short future with him. God's goodness comes in all forms. Suffering. And sweet joys. Please continue praying for this sweet life and preparing our hearts for our future with this baby.

We are using a different midwife this time, and therefore we went to a different specialist for this ultrasound. They rushed to start the ultrasound and started asking me questions as they were measuring things and listening to the hearbeat. I finally had to ignore them and just enjoy the sweet sound of a heartbeat and the beauty of an ultrasound with no complications. Once we told them our history, they completely understood and went back over all the things that seem so normal for them. Nate and I asked them more than once, "So everything is ok? Really?" They just smiled. The girls came with us and loved seeing the baby. What a special moment for us. We left the office and Nate just looked at me with tears in our eyes. We knew God would bless us, but we didn't know how soon it would be and how great it would feel. Babies truly are a blessing, whether you hold them for 2 hours or enjoy them for a lifetime. Praise the Lord!

Oh, and by the way, the awful nausea is finally gone. Yeah!

I Will Let You in on a Little Secret...

2010-03-08T07:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, the Lord has blessed us again. We are pregnant and expecting in October. I am in beween bouts of extreme nausea and exhaustion, so I finally have time to post. Please be praying for our complete trust in God's plans. We can both sense some anxiety in simply wanting to see a healthy ultrasound, but we want to be prepared for whatever God may have for us. Right now, I am trying to enjoy pregnancy and all that it entails, knowing that each experience of pregnancy is a gift, leaving no room for complaining or dwelling on the difficulty. We will let you know as soon as we have more details. As for now, I may blog a little less until I am fully recovered.

Love you all and appreciate your prayers.

Enjoying the Rain

2010-02-16T08:02:00.000-08:00

Who's idea was it to go walking that day where it was forecasted to rain? Nate and I still disagree on that point:)

Nate was finally home from work, and we were itching to get outside, so after breakfast and morning chores, we decide to walk to Target. It is only 1 1/2 miles each way, so we thought we would be back in no time:) A leisurely walk and enjoyable time, and we shop at Target for all the necessities and more, and as we finish up, I hear a woman say, "The weather man was right...rain in the afternoon." Nate and I just smile, realizing we have no umbrella, two girls, one blanket and one long walk back in the rain. We bundle up and start to run, but being that I am not a runner, it was more of a walk/run. We couldn't stop laughing. Tempted to be annoyed because I couldn't feel my hands and I was soaked to the core, but instead we enjoyed the gift of rain and tried to teach our girls to enjoy unexpected adventures...but only Ava learned that lesson that day:) As we neared our house, I slowed down, closed my eyes and enjoyed the rain on my face. I was freezing, but I took the time to enjoy the rain. God's gift. It is all grace. It is all God's gift. A walk with my family, unexpected rain, and a chance to laugh....it is all a gift.

When it rains....I have learned....slow down and enjoy.

Rain comes when it is necessary. And we all need it. Embrace it and enjoy.

And when it isn't raining, prepare for the rain. I could have enjoyed the rain a little more, had I been prepared:)

With that thought, I remember the best way to live life is by enjoying every moment, which is possible by remembering each second is a gift of God. Counting my blessings...from laundry to date night...from sleepless nights to easy days. It is all a gift.

Counting my blessings in pictures...

"But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever. I will thank you forever, because you have done it. I will wait for your name, for it is good, in the presence of the godly." Psalm 52:8-9

Thanks to Amanda for matching aprons:) Baking is always an adventure around here.

Special day with Aunt Robyn and Pilot Uncle Sam.....enjoying the planes and helicopters, learning about the exciting world in the air.

"With a freewill offering I will sacrifice to You; I will give thanks to your name, O Lord for it is good." Psalm 54:6

With much love,

My Grief Lingers

2010-02-01T22:24:00.000-08:00

"Hey Mama, look, there is a snail!" squeels Annabelle as we look at an animal book, "We don't like snails. Eeeewww! They are ooey gooey. Just like baby brother's head." And she laughs. "And we held him and rocked him and then he went to be with Jesus." I sigh and chuckle at how little minds wander so quickly form thought to thought. "And one day mama, when I get older and I a mommy, my belly is gonna grow bigger and bigger and then my baby will go to heaven." I want to cry and tears well up. She is so sweet and only remembers baby brother Paul with fond memories, and she has no idea that sadness should accompany any of those beautiful memories in the hospital room. But I know. I miss that day.

I know I am not alone. Loss. Empty arms. Empty womb. The longing to hold a warm, cuddly baby. I cry. I wish. I long. There is no specific time of day or month that brings me sadness, just these moments when my girls pray for Paul and remember him fondly.

I swallow the lump in my throat and have to remind her that not all babies go straight to heaven, as I bring to her mind all the little babies we love and see often. After these precious conversations, I sometimes cry, sometimes dream and sometimes push my feelings aside and just do the next thing.

I have to wrestle with these real thoughts and feelings, and I have been forced to ask God how He would have me handle these hard moments that happen daily.

Things I know for certain:

Am I relying on the birth of another child to make me whole or to feel complete? Or am I relying on my position as a child of God to make me feel complete. Only the latter will happen. If I can choose to find joy in today, then I can experience joy in all things, not just joyous circumstances.

HOPE..."and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been pured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:2-5

My hope is in who God is.
My hope is in my salvation.
My hope is in God's perfect love for me.
My hope is in God's promise to perfect my faith.
My hope is in Jesus' promise to come back and bring us to a world where there is no suffering.
My hope is that while I was dead, Christ died or me.

My hope is not in the idea that I may have another child.
My hope is not in the idea that I will one day get what I want.
My hope is not in the easy life.
My hope is not my will be done.

I know this is a crazy post to share on a day I have dedicated to counting God's blessings, but I want to share a little of this process of grief with you friends and encourage those on the same path.

WHAT IS THE GOAL? To be like Christ.

The tears may keep coming, and the longings will still plague us, but only God can satisfy. Our arms yearn for babies, but only God can satisfy. I cannot spend my time wishing God will one day grant my heart's desire, but I must spend my time asking Him to conform my will to His, for He loves us more than we will ever love our children...that is true. I can be joyful, even if I don't feel like it. God will use my grief to transform me and shape me.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your fath produces steadfastness And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2

I must dwell on true, pure and holy ideas and hope in what I know for sure, and that is where my heart's longings will be satisfied. I pray you can be satisfied today by counting God's blessings, beginning with His grace on your life.

Father, I praise you for choosing me. I am unworthy and yet You still love me. I praise You that I can be confident in You and hope in Your salvation.

Thank you Lord for Paul. Thank you for taking him. Thank you for exactly where I am. Thank you for the family you have given me. Thank you for tears. Thank you for knowing my sorrow and carrying me through.

A Few Family Favorites

2010-01-28T09:30:00.000-08:00

God has been so gracious to encourage me in housekeeping and parenting through several Christ honoring blogs, and they have directed me to great books, great ideas and great practices. So, in hopes to encourage a few of you friends who may be searching for good finds, just like I am, I am going to tell you of just a few books that are family favorites. We seek to only put the best into our minds and the minds of our children, so that is why, I believe, our search will never end:) I have also added a few favorites my girls love to play with. I hope you have fun looking into them and see whether they will work for your family!

Adam Raccoon series of Parables for Children by Glen Keane
    ~ Reinforces Biblical truths with fun stories and great pictures. Annabelle is addicted to all of them. They are free from our church library, but you can also get them used for really inexpensive.
The Year at Maple Hill Farm
   ~A great, detailed way to teach about the farm and the months and seasons.  We don't own this one either...we just get it from the local library.
Pickle Chiffon Pie
   ~This is for fun. A silly way to teach kindness and consideration for others. This was no where to be found, so I had to buy it, but i was worth every penny.
The Illustrated ICB Bible: The New Testament
   ~This Bible is the whole Bible, word for word in the ICB translation, and the pictures are drawn comic style.

Woodkins
~ An easy way for little hands, 18 months and older, to dress up dolls. Pieces of cloth can be put between two pieces of wood, and voila, the doll is dressed. Easy as that.
Lauri Puzzles
~ These are great, now that Annabelle is 3. Before, she couldn't really do them well, but now she is learning her letters while having fun.
KUMON cutting and tracing workbooks
~ These need supervision, and they are more for working together, but Annabelle loves them.

Mornings...First Things First

2010-01-27T14:35:00.000-08:00

I mentioned recently that God had been showing me that I need "to number my days so that I may gain a heart of wisdom." Our lives are short, and we need to entreat God to guide us in living faithfully to make the most of our time. And if we can gain wisdom by numbering our days, and if "by wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches" (Proverbs 24:3-4), then I must seek God in guiding me to number these days He has so graciously given me.

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:15

I have taken a careful look at my days...

I only have two little ones, so our days aren't nearly as structured and demanding as some families, and it is very easy to think I don't need a plan. However, my time is not truly mine. In Scripture, it is clear that we must guard our hearts and minds, because sin is lurking to devour and it can so easily entangle us. I don't want to be lazy, and I want seek God with my whole heart.

The choices I make today will directly affect the choices my family and friends will make tomorrow. Just as the sin of one can affect the whole body of believers, so can the faithful living of one encourage the whole body.

And here I am, thinking on my days. My mornings. My chores. My meals. Free time. Our evenings. How can I make the most of my time? I can get so caught up in finding the right way to parent, to clean house, to plan meals, to educate my children and to be a wife, and yet I must remember that God wants our heart. Before I try to be the best mom and wife I can be, I must seek God and give Him my whole heart. I do not want to labor in vain (Psalm 127) and do not want to make plans without God's guidance, remembering that God will direct my steps. (Proverbs 19:21) Plans are tricky. Culture can cloud our judgment. This is why our plans must be brought to Him day and night, so that we can renew our thinking.

With that said, I take pen to paper and seek to order my days, so that I might redeem the time to glorify God. I remember that all my time is holy. Laundry. Cooking. Discipline. Walks. All I do is a sacrifice to God, with gratitude. In all things, I can enjoy Him, whether it be daily duty or fun fellowship.

A plan is best. Everyone schedules differently, and each family works differently, but a plan is best. We can so easily wander, and we need something that brings us back to the goal. The goal of training our children to love God with their whole hearts. The goal to enjoy God throughout the day. The goal to be disciplined. This calls for a plan. Loose or srtict, by the minute or a flow chart, it does not matter, but we must have a plan.

I have found that whatever needs to be accomplished in the day, must be done first. If the day falls into shambles, or if sickness takes over, or if a friends needs care, what must get done needs to be done in the morning, before the day begins.

My tme with the Lord is essential. My time in prayer, quiet before my Maker, and my time in His word that promises to bring peace, hope, restoration and guidance, must be done before the sun is up and the children wake. Psalm 5:3 says, "O Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch." I want to seek God's truth in the morning, pray over my day and my concerns and watch with expectancy to see what God might accomplish that day. It is a sacrifice to wake early, and it is a sacrifice done more easily when I go bed earlier the night before, which is a discipline I am still learning. Any mom knows that if a morning goes not as planned, it is hard to change the flow for the rest of the day. Mornings must be intentional and directed toward the Lord.

I now wake between 6 and 6:30 so I may spend time with the Lord, shower and be ready for the day, and if time allows, spend time in personal endeavors.

I have found that I can become more irritable and less patient when I am trying to do what I want to do, whereas, if I order my days with God by my side, then I can plan a day where the necessities are accomplished, fun can still be had, and the home can be orderly.

I pray that you are encouraged to seek God in the morning!

**Pictures taken on a walk today with the girls. Learning about bees and flowers, singing Amazing Grace, and enjoying sweet fellowship with a friend.

Quiet Days

2010-01-25T05:00:00.000-08:00

The Simple Life and Quiet Days.

In the past week, we have been graced with more rain than I can ever remember. I have enjoyed it thoroughly and am soon going to miss it. We couldn't really go anywhere, so we stayed in for days, reading books, playing puzzles, baking, and painting. It forced us to enjoy the simple pleasures in life that God gives us each day. No Trader Joes or Target. No playdates or Starbucks runs. No distractions.

Recently, God has challenged me to "number my days, so that I may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90) Making the most of each minute, as a child of God, a wife and a parent. This rain has given me a great opportunity to see all the areas where I need to improve. I need more self-discipline and more structure, and God is slowly showing me how to honor Him more in my time.

So often, the things we fill our days with can distract us from the greatest treasures that are with us each and every day. And our lack of self-discipline and vision for our days can make living with our family difficult, when God means for familly to blessing. But, I will save those thoughts for another post.

But as for now, I will continue counting my blessings...won't you join me?

#141 A quiet morning before anyone in the house stirs.

#142 A quiet day with the girls, painting, water coloring, baking, reading, puzzles and games.

#143 The sound of the rain.

#144 The new and glorious hum of our fancy new heater

#145 The gift of Financial Peace University, 2 years ago, that taught us the lost art of living beneath our means and without debt, which enabled us to have the cash to purchase the heater debt-free, and most importantly, stress free.

#146 Neighbors to share eggs and butter with:)

#147 Fresh baked cookies with a sweet little Aunt

#148 The gift of the Psalms and Proverbs, a way to refresh my mind each day.

#149 Good friends, new and old.

#150 My knees to kneel in humility before my God, whom I can do nothing without!

#151 A sweet afternoon celebrating a couple soon to wed

#152 Although I love the rain, I praise God He has placed me in SoCal where the promise of many sunny days are just around the corner:)

#153 A good friend to shed some tears with.

#154 Laughing...Pastor Hegg, you are hilarious!

I pray you are encouraged to sit quietly and enjoy God, our creator and Father, our Savior. In creation. In family. In duty. His pleasures surround us, we just need to turn our eyes on Him.

Is God Enough?

2010-01-15T15:18:00.000-08:00

If You washed away my vanity
If You took away my words
If all my world was swept away
Would You be enough for me?
Would my beating heart still sing?

If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away?
If You take it all, this life You’ve given
Still my heart will sing to You

When my life is not what I expected
The plans I made have failed
When there’s nothing left to steal me away
Will You be enough for me?
Will my broken heart still sing?

Even if You take it all away
You’ll never let me go
You take it all away and I still know

That I’m Yours, I ‘m still Yours
Oh I’m Yours, I’m still Yours

~Kutless, It is Well album, I'm Still Yours

I hope this song can encourage many of You to lean on God in all things. He is enough. He is all we need. Today, as I listened to this song, I began to cry, praying that nothing will steal my heart away and that God is always enough for me. I pray you are encouraged and I was by these wise words.

Will my hands stay lifted?
Will my beating heart still sing?

I pray so!

A Little Habit to Excite Prayer

2010-01-13T21:49:00.001-08:00

This morning, before the sun had risen, I found myself awake with little Ava who was ready to begin the day. As she ate and played and I relaxed on the couch with my coffee and Bible, I was amused at all that she did to entertain herself. She ended up taking her socks off, putting them on her hands, and pretending to be daddy who puts gloves on his hands to clean out her wound (which is almost healed, btw.) She was pretending to put a new band aid on Mickey, and she was saying all the things we say to comfort her.

She listens. She watches. She mimics.

Habits. They are an amazing thing. They are so easy to fall into.

I have annoying habits, like picking my nails, and I have sinful habits, like using harsh language and a mean voice when I am frustrated. And I have seen and heard these habits manifested in my girls, both picking nails and raising voices. It makes me cringe to think of all the sin I have modeled for them.

Enough of bad habits. I have too many. Nate and I are ready to intentionally choose good habits that will glorify God and create a humble and worshipful spirit in our family.

Thanks to some wonderful advice, Nate and I decided to enhance prayer time each night, by creating a prayer book filled with all of our Christmas card pictures. Each night, we pray over one family in the book. The girls love seeing the pictures, and now Annabelle looks forward to prayer time and asks to do it. We have begun adding pictures of others that we never received pictures for.

It is a small habit, but as I know all too well, small habits can become lasting ones, and that is the ultimate goal. Praying for others daily and lifting their cares and burdens to God. Humbly lifting our eyes to God together and sharing His love for others. I am so excited to make this a lasting habit.

What spriritual disciplines do your family practice? Ann @ http://www.aholyexperience.com/ encourages us to focus on spritiual disciplines each Wednesday. Check it out!

His Name is Vuzo

2010-01-11T21:13:00.000-08:00

I would like you to meet Vuzo Elieza Vuzo, and he was born on October 4, 1997.

In the midst of the blur of the month of October, beginning with the birth and death of our baby boy Paul, we were cared for beyond imagination. We were loved and prayed for. It began by having 27 people in our hospital room, praying with us, singing praises to our God and reading His comforting words. People cried with us and remembered the wonderful Sunday when he was born and we got to hold him in our arms.

Only God's people know how to truly love, because we know True Love.

Alongside prayers and hugs, we received enormous amounts of money as gifts to help us pay for the burial and memorial, and many also gave in hopes we would take a trip or do something to relax and enjoy ourselves.

With all this money, we felt burdened. The burial was more than paid for, and we were so grateful to have the excess, but we continued to pray for God's guidance. Three months later, we still had the money, and God reminded us of what really restores the soul. When we can give out of gratitude to our Lord and Savior, then we can experience joy and true love.

"'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; nake, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.' Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And whend did we see You sick or in prison, and come to You?' The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the exten that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'" Matthew 25:35-40

God reminded us that many children can be loved just as we had always hoped to love Paul. Once we decided we were going to give the money to children in need, I was so excited. By body tingled with excitement each moment I thought about it. We finally dwindled down all the amazing options to Compassion International, Sleep Sweet, and Samaritan's Purse.

It was so exciting to get Annabelle involved in the process, showing her videos and pictures of children in need. She couldn't believe some girls don't have milk to fill their bellies, "cozy" beds to sleep in, and God's word to fill their minds. And now, even more applicable, she can't imagine people not having doctors to make their sisters "all better". It was easy to get her on board. We told her that we were doing this to show love to others, just as others have shown love to us and as Christ has shown us true love.

We decided to pick a boy sharing the same birthday as Paul to support and love on. He is a part of a Bible program in Tanzania through Compassion International, and we can't wait to partner with this ministry to show Christ's love to someone across the world. We also gave a bed to a child in Uganda who was accustomed to sleeping on the ground through Sleep Sweet. And through Samaritan's Purse, we gave money to provide families with a dairy animal, clothes, and the ability to attend Bible classes.

To all of you who gave of yourself...monetarily, through prayer, through hugs, and through tears...we say THANK YOU. The love of God has been so evident to us, and we praise Him for His many blessings in all of you who shared in this time of suffering with us. Please continue praying for our family's ministry and for our new member of the family, Vuzo.

With Love,
Deb

The Need for Clean

2010-01-08T07:10:00.000-08:00

Reunited. And loving it.

3 days and 2 nights in a hospital. IV antibiotics. Surgeons coming in to drain Ava's infection and absess. And now the real work begins. This MRSA infection can stay alive on any non porous material for up to 90 days.

Thank you for your prayers.

We have disinfected EVERYTHING we own. The girls get baths with bleach daily, and we shower with antiseptic daily. It feels great. Between hand sanitizer, Lysol wipes and bleach, the word around here is CLEAN. We think we are the track to ridding our family of this nasty bacteria, but we know it is in God's hand alone.

This bacteria came into our home two years ago, and it has plagued us ever since. We hadn't suffered from an outbreak for 6 months or so, so we thought we were in the clear. But nothing is worse that seeing it attack my sweet little Ava. I never want this to happen again.

In between crying and cleaning the other day, I began to realize the connection between this nasty bacteria and our sin that so easily entangles us. Sin so easily penetrates every part of our life. We want to cleanse ourselves from it, because it is deadly, and we know the negative results of living in sin all too well. We never want to experience it again, and yet it still plagues us.

I praise the Lord He promises to cleanse us from all our sin. We aren't "cleaning" in vain, even though it may seem like this world is hopelessly plagued with sin. One day, He promises to bring us to a New Heaven and New Earth, where there is no more pain and sorrow, and no more sin.

Praise the Lord.

In the last year, I have experienced a life that reminds me so often how much pain and sorrow is in this world, and what a great promise it is to live in a world where there is none. There is much to lean on God for and rejoice in, and today I am reminded of that.

I am also reminded that to rid us of sin and refine us now, it may be painful. God needs to prune us. We have had to explain this to Ava countless times this week, as she went through many times of pain. Annabelle would say,"No mama, don't hurt her. Don't take her band aid off Don't take her to the hospital. It will hurt." But I would respond, "Oh honey, it has to hurt now, so that it can be all better. We want her all better, don't we?"

Pain now is for our good. God wants us to grow, but He must tear out the weeds and prune us so we may flourish. What a great reminder for my family and me.

Thank you for joining with me in this journey.

As I look at my scar from MRSA and Ava's healing wound, I pray it can remind me of our need for Jesus to cleanse us from sin. We must cling to what is good and abhor what is evil. Just a little speck of sin will infect the whole, just as one part of our house can hold this bacteria and infect each of us living in it. I pray we can all be reminded of our desperate need for a Savior and His amazing promise to save us from this world NOW and FOREVER. Life can be abundantly full NOW. We don't have to wait!

And I am learning that part of this abundant life NOW can be experienced by counting His blessings...His grace upon my life.

So I continue...

#78 Dr. Diego
#79 Surgeon Shaul who was used by God to rid Ava of this infection
#80 A husband who said, "Once again Debra, I wouldn't want to go through this with anyone else!"
#81 A sweet nurse who calls Jesus her Lord and Savior, who consoled us and helped us laugh.
#82 Dear friends like you who remind of the greatness of the body of Christ
#83 The sweet pleasures in life...a hug from a sister, and tear shared with a sweet friend, chocolate covered pretzels:)
#84 A new week...a fresh start...
#85 To see Annabelle and Ava kiss each other, and hearing Annabelle say, "Mama, I love her!"

The Art of Sacrifice

2010-01-04T15:43:00.001-08:00

On the heels of committing each Monday to counting 1000 graces and giving thanks to our gracious God, I have already been tested in my true devotion to the idea. My dear sweet Ava is suffering from MRSA just as I have for two years now. While I had to endure 9 months of carrying baby Paul knowing he would be born and be carried straight to heaven, I would often catch myself saying, "Wow, in comparison, MRSA isn't so bad. I would be fine with having MRSA my whole life now." It is funny how trials change. Or better, it is funny how we change our definition of trials as we grow and have to endure more of them.

Joshua began his years of war at Jericho and at the end of his 5-7 years of battle, he fought the bloodiest war yet. He had no chariots, no horses. The enemy had 300,000 men, and he lacked numbers. God still encouraged him, like He always did, but Joshua did not delay in attacking offensively. He obeyed immediately and enjoyed victory in the end. He did not stop fighting after Jericho, and he knew there was more to come.

I want to be like Joshua. I thought the hard times were over when I had surgery for MRSA a year ago. I had to stop nursing Ava, have the infection removed, and pack an open wound for three weeks. But then, months later, we found out Paul would not be able to live with us here on earth. I prayed for "a break". I prayed for "easy". And relief came when he was born, and the waiting was over, and I knew he was with Christ. I thought it was over. But, I have now learned. My sweet little Ava is lifeless and feverish. She is on antibiotics and sleeping lots and eating less.

I want to be like Joshua. I want to take this head on, ready to fight for God and ready to win. But I do not wage war against flesh and bone, but a spiritual war. I will not let despair take hold. I will not focus on the pain. I will dwell with the Lord and remember His goodness and trust in His faithfulness He has proven. I want to live a life of gratefulness to God no matter what this life may bring. This is why David calls it a sacrifice of praise to our God. It is hard. But it is pleasing to God and healing to the soul. Of course, I pray God heals her and we don't have to do the hospital routine with IV antiobiotics and surgery, but I make my requests known to Him and worry about it no more. I make it my life mission to be grateful for ALL things.

"Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You." Psalm 63:3
"Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vows to the Most High." Psalm 50:14

So I begin.
God, I am grateful for Tylenol and antibiotics.
I am grateful for a husband willing to do the dirty work.
I am grateful for Annabelle who has a heart of gold.
I am grateful for a rocking chair to rock my precious babe.
I am grateful for hot water, bleach and detergent to wash away this nasty bacteria.
I am grateful for fresh air.
I am grateful for a pharmacy just minutes away (who know my name, by the way:).
I am grateful for a concerned mom's email with love I can feel!

Ahhhh, now that is better. Thank You Lord for setting my heart straight.

God is good. All the time. Psalm 145, the psalm I invite you to memorize with me...says that God is kind in all His deeds and near to all who call on Him in truth. Praise the Lord.

Please join me in giving thanks. It soothes the soul!

Extravagant Simplicity

2010-01-01T07:35:00.000-08:00

Because Christ came, I can hope. Because of Christmas, I am now free. 2010 can be a year of newness because God loves me; Christ saved me; and the Holy Spirit will change me. So simple, yet so extravagant!!! How blessed are we to be called children of God.

What is my goal this year? What dirty areas of my life do I need washed white as snow? This year will be marked by humble praise. Humble praise to my holy Creator, Loving Father, and Savior. I have found that any area in my relationships and days that I struggle with all have to do with pride. Not a new concept, I know. However, if I approach all things with humility, not self-abasement, but a proper understanding that I am sinful and God is perfect...I deserve nothing, and yet He gives me life abundantly...I can love because He first loved me....then and only then can I be in the right mind to face each day's trials, annoyances and emotions God's way and not my own. Humility will lead to praise. I am thoroughly enjoying counting 1000 graces, and I have so quickly been reminded that in order to count blessings from our gracious God, I must be humble.

A heart of thankfulness. While dreading housework, loneliness, discipline, the mundane and frustrating, if I faithfully force out words of praise, my heart will change and joy will resurface.

Praise God for His extravagance.

I pray you can find joy this year in humbly coming before Him with praise. I pray that no matter what battles you must fight this year, you do not lose hope, because Christ has come and promised victory.

________________________________________

*Photo: New buds from the lemon tree my dad gave me in memory of Paul.

The Bread of Life

2009-12-29T20:51:00.000-08:00

We have all done it. We take the fruit of the Spirit in someone's life and make it a competition. We compare. Then we feel like we could never possibly measure up. Well we don't measure up! Plain and simply. No one does. However, God calls us to an abundant life, and He shows us how! I have a dear friend who has a first grader now, and as she has raised her daughter, I have seen a difference. A difference in her days and a difference in her choices. And she is reaping the fruit. She has chosen to "eat" of God's word and make God's word be a part of the whole day...not just night time routine and not just when studying for Awana's verses or looking over the Sunday School lesson of the week. There is something different in how she does things. My daughters are still so young, but I have been inquiring of her about how she "does it" for a while now, because I so desperately wanted a deep, Christ-filled relationship with my girls. How did she have such wonderfully rich conversations with her young daughter at the ages of 2, 3, 4 and so on? She has been encouraging me to just read through the Bible. Just read it. Eat and drink of God's word as a family as you eat and speak of His word as you drive, as you do laundry, as you cook, and as you clean.

What a concept?? Sound familiar??
Deuteronomy 6:7 says, "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." ESV

I have also been just soaking up each word written by the author of The Holy Experience, Ann Voskamp. As a mother of six, she and her family join in prayer before each meal and close each meal in God's word. They eat of God's truth as often as they eat. What an idea? Why hadn't that ever occurred to me?

"Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God." Matthew 4:4 ESV

So, about a month ago or so, I embarked on this journey with my husband. Opening God's word at the close of each meal. Why was it so strange or difficult to continue? Discipline. Any new discipline is tough, but reaps its benefits for sure. Where were we to start? I have a 20 month old and 3 year old...how could they possibly understand what I read from an adult Bible? Well, I heeded my friends words...Just read the Bible. So, we started in Matthew. And we just read. Nothing grand. Nothing complicated. Nothing burdensome. Just sweet fellowship with the only One who holds our days in His hands. I am still tempted to "skip", and yet I see a difference in my days when I do. When I make this a priority, I am consciously deciding who my priority is...my God or my self. After 4 or 5 weeks, I now look forward to that treasured time and what questions might arise or what discussion it might spark days down the road. God's word penetrates the heart and teaches us, but it can't work on our hearts or the hearts of our children unless we hide it in our hearts and read it!

In a firefighter's household, there is no routine, so it is definitely hard changing pace when Nate goes to work and when he is home, but we make it work. We just read the Bible. After a crazy Christmas week, we had to get back on track today...cleaning, reorganizing and much much laundry. Advent was over, so our focus for Bible time was a little different...so where to start? I just began where I was personally. I am trying to memorize Psalm 145, and we are also still in Matthew as a family. I had read Matthew last night, so this morning, I just picked up Psalm 145 and began reading as the girls finished up eating. I got to the end where David says, "The Lord preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy." Annabelle piped up, "Mama, what does destroy mean?" What a great question? I took whatever was on the table, built a tall tower and knocked it to the ground. They were shocked!!! How could mom make such a mess? A great teaching moment followed. It definitely tied into Matthew 13 about Christ's explanation of the end times! The rest of the day was such a blessing. We talked about Christ being the light of the world as we drove to see the last bit of Christmas lights; we talked of how God washes us clean as they took a bath; and we remembered the beautiful snow we saw in Big Bear as I taught them that without Jesus' blood washing us white as snow, we would be dirty and unable to be with God.

So often we want results without the work. However, I am learning that I must simply make a home for God in my everyday and every moment. If He is always on my tongue and if I am consistently eating of His bread, then my children will see and hear. I just need to invite them into my spiritual journey, and they will learn to eat of God's truth just as they learned to eat. They will learn to meditate on His word day and night, just as they have learned the simple routines of life. Why do we complicate this so?

I encourage you to begin this discipline alongside me. I will be joining Ann Voskamp and many others in posting a spiritual discipline each Wednesday so that we can be edified as a community of believers. I can't wait to hear from many women around the world.

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8

1000 Graces

2009-12-28T14:48:00.000-08:00

A dear cyber friend of mine, Ann Voskamp, has introduced me to the Gratitude Community, where I am encouraged to journal all the wonderful gifts from God that I am thankful for. The goal is to reach 1000 graces you have thanked God for, but now, each Monday, she adds to her list and encourages others to do the same. I am beginning my gratitude journal now, and I commit to adding to it at least every Monday. I know that giving praise to God is what I was created for. I know that God asks me to have a humble heart full of thankfulness to Him, my Creator and Father. So, here I begin my journey. I am ready to transform my weeks, days, hours and minutes. I am ready to meditate on God's word and always be looking for His grace in my life, creating a life of worship as my sacrifice to Him. I am excited to see my joy and peace increase because I am fixed on the Giver and His innumerable gifts. Please join me!

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
I Thessalonians 5:18

#1 A best friend and confidant in my firefighter husband of 5 years.
#2 Those precious moments with Ava in the morning before anyone else is awake.
#3 The ability to stay home with my children and be a homemaker
#4 The Bible in my own language...a Bible of my own that I can read whenever I want.
#5 A stocked fridge.
#6 Last weekend's trip to Big Bear with family.
#7 My sweet Annabelle and her big heart.
#8 The snow
#9 God's beautiful creation
#10 I am a child of God
#11 Having a sister....what a privilege! Growing up with such a dear friend in Robyn.
#12 9 months to carry my baby Paul before he went to be with Jesus.
#13 A cozy bed with 2 pillows just for me!!!
#14 Heat.
#15 God's unfailing love.
#16 God is near.
#17 God withholds no good thing from those who walk uprightly.
#18 I am forgiven
#19 A toothbrush
#20 Playing tea party with my girls.
#21 Long talks with Nate
#22 Legs to take walks in the mornings with my girls
#23 Sweet uninhibited hugs from the girls
#24 The unity and joy in worship and Bible time with the family
#25 The joy in helping Annabelle hide God's word in her heart.
#26 Making a snowman for the first time with my girls.
#27 Playing Candyland with Grammy on Christmas day
#28 The sweet friendship found in neighbors
#29 I am no longer slave to sin...I can hope in Jesus Christ who has paid the price.
....and the list will continue

A Happy New Year?

2009-12-26T07:12:00.000-08:00

I know this week, I am going to encounter hundreds of people wishing me a Happy New Year. In thinking back on last year, I question why we wish a happy New Year. I had a very sad year this year, and yet Nate and I have grown closer to God this year than any other year, and we have experienced God's presence in an amazing way. So this year, I am not asking God for a happy year but a year filled with the HOPE of God's love and our Savior's return. I meet every other week with two friends who have been such a source of encouragement this year, and as I was in the thick of grief, a week after Paul's death, they told me that in seeing what I had learned and how I had grown, they almost hoped for suffering. I know that sounds crazy, and no normal person would seek out suffering, but this year, I do hope that God will give me what will grow me closer to Him. I want a deeper relationship, and I now know from experience that that doesn't come in the carefree, easy days we so desperately try to create for ourselves.

And how can we hope? How can we know for certain that this year can be a great year of growing? Because God has promised to refine us and save us from our messy lives. Our lives are so messy! Sometimes we don't know which way is up, but He promises to be our light in this darkness...and oh, how dark it is. Christmas is a great reminder of our hope for the whole year...Jesus came into our lives, our messy lives and promises to save us and change us. So, do I have New Year's resolutions? I want Christ to come change me. I want to give God sacrifices of thankfulness and sacrifices of righteousness. I can't earn anything...it is all grace...but I want to give all I am to Him. Christ is my hope, and He is why I know that whatever next year brings, He will faithful to His promises.

So, let's be faithful in return to give Him our messy lives, daily come to Him for truth, and prepare ourselves to be used!!! I am so excited.

You Ready?

2009-12-23T22:12:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

As we are busy baking, meal planning, and wrapping, I want to take time to say "thank you" to all of you who were so faithful to be on your knees for me this year. I have been reflecting on this year, and it is hard to think that I actually survived what most of us would call "a mother's worst nightmare." I feel so blessed to look back on this year with joy...friends and family who quietly walked beside me and cried with me. Here is a little tidbit of my life this week and how God is still teaching me the purpose for Pauls life.

Our "Dave car" (for any of you who aren't familiar with Financial Peace University, a Dave car is a cheap car that was paid for in cash )...our '98 gold Dodge Grand Caravan (she is a beauty:), has been giving us some trouble. Our mechanic found us this beauty 2 years ago, and she has been treating us well until the last month hit us. This week was the third time something was either smoking or leaking, and when I called the mechanic to bring it in on Monday, I was annoyed. However, when I showed up and was able to spend 20 minutes talking to Dawn, the assistant, I knew this was a divine appointment from God. She had seen me four times since the beginning of the pregnancy with Paul, and she wanted to know how I was doing. She thought I was "so strong" and "she never could have done that." She had had an elective abortion with a son who would have major handicaps, and so she wanted to know how I was able to find a purpose in our baby Paul's life. Here I am, standing in an auto repair shop, being asked the question I was hoping to hear, and I didn't know what to say. How do I put all I have learned into a 5 minute conversation? I did a terrible job. Yes, I did tell her that I have a clear understanding of God's sovereignty and hand in each life, and I did tell her I can look on this year with joy, confident God is in control. However, I didn't bring it back to Christ and the hope I have in Him! Especially at Christmas, how did this escape my mind? It is so easy to talk about God, however, using the name of Jesus Christ isn't as comfortable. It is a muscle I need to exercise. How could I go through a year like I did and not be prepared to answer such a wonderful and open question? Well, I am busy...running here and there...and worrying about my car, money, switching car seats, making lunch, and the list goes on and on. Satan had me where he wanted me...distracted and unfocused.

Do you ever find yourself missing out on opportunities to share with someone the good news of the gospel because you are unfocused and distracted? I need some practice. Pray that we can all be daily entreating God for opportunities to share the reason for our hope in Christ...eternal life is now...a life with hope and joy and peace. The world without Christ has none of these wonderful gifts, and I must be ready to share.

So, as we enter Christmas Eve and Christmas, and all the meals and gatherings it entails with friends, families and neighbors, may we be ready to share Christ as Savior, not only to fellow believers, but to the lost and dying of the world. I pray we won't be ashamed or distracted.

"...but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;" 1 Peter 3:15

___________________________________________

*Picture is of Annabelle enjoying her 3rd birthday at Disneyland with lots of family! In a matter of 3 hourse, she had a bag of popcorn, a churro, and cotton candy, all thanks to my mom:)

Advent

2009-11-27T22:22:00.001-08:00

Well friends, I know it must seem like I am obsessed with my friends the Fletchers....but you must check out the Black Friday Report post on the MangoTimes. They have encouraged me and Nate to preach the gospel in word and deed this Christmas and to rethink how we spend our money in the Christmas season. The video is amazing! Hope you are blessed the way I was.

Ahhh...Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T15:40:00.001-08:00

True Comfort

2009-11-07T07:33:00.000-08:00

"Comfort is the one thing you cannot get by looking for it. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth-only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair."
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"
Psalm 56:8

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord."
Psalm 27:13-14

I am sure you are all wondering where I have been in the blog world these past six weeks. Well, I have been thinking. Thinking about life. Thinking about the plans we make. Thinking about the ways we are blinded by this world and convinced to live for ourselves. I needed to refocus and dive into God's word. I know that true healing comes from God's word alone. I am seeking God's face; seeking to know Him more, so I can understand this world He has made a little better. The better I understand who God is, the more I can rest in His promises and look forward to being with Him for eternity.

Yet, there isn't a day goes by where I don't think of my little baby boy. My girls speak of him often to friends and strangers alike, and I find myself wanting to tell strangers about him. These 6 weeks have been tough. I wish I could hold my little baby Paul once more. I often wish I could be pregnant again, just so he would still be with us. I am not a dates or numbers person, so even though our due date came and went, that wasn't that hard for me. The hardest times are those when Annabelle speaks of precious Paul to friends and family. I went in for my six week check up, and she thought we were going to go see baby brother again. Little times like these are much harder, because I am slowly grieving what might have been.

However, I am encouraged. My life is much richer and deeper now that I have had my faith tested and proven. I know that if someone asked me to deny Christ now, no matter the cost, I would not do it. Now, it may be hard, sad and horrible, but I could not deny Him. But my soul finds rest in the truth of the Bible.

I can now echo what David says in Psalm 16, "You are my Lord; I have no good besides You...The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot...I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken...You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever."

Baby Paul's Birthday

2009-10-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

Just in case you feel like crying:) This is the long 9+ minute slideshow. I know it is long, but this is mainly for people who couldn't make it to the birth or to the memorial today who wish they could have. And this is also for those who are going through something similar. I remember how other people's slideshows really helped me these past six months of waiting. There is a shorter one, but I love this long one. Hope you enjoy it. The birth story to come soon!! P.S. Before playing the slideshow, scroll down to pause the music player for the blog. If you don't you will have two songs playing:)

Come celebrate with us!!!

2009-10-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

Friends and Family,
Just want to thank you all for your prayers, and we would like to invite you to worship our God and celebrate the life of Paul with us tomorrow, Thursday at 4pm at Grace Baptist Church, Santa Clarita, CA. A reception will follow. Children are warmly welcome:)

Paul is Home!

2009-10-05T14:44:00.000-07:00

Baby Paul was born yesterday, October 4th at 6:59 pm, weighing 6lbs and measuring 19 inches long. He came 5 weeks early, much to our surprise. He was beautiful, and we were able to share precious time holding him and loving him. He went home to be with Jesus around 8:40pm, and we were able to spend a sweet time with friends and family, lifting him up to the Lord.

More pictures and details of his birth story to come, and we will let you know about any plans of a memorial as soon as we finalize them. Thank you for praying.

Love Thy Neighbor...

2009-10-02T14:55:00.000-07:00

My neighbor, a dearly beloved blessing, has volunteered to come to the hospital to take pictures of our new little baby and all of us enjoying those precious moments with him. As the time has grown closer, she has taken Nate, me and the girls out for family pics, and just yesterday she took some pictures of just me. Although I don't really feel up to pictures, and if you have ever been nine months pregnant, you know what I mean:), it was a great gift from her to give.

And let the praying begin!

2009-09-29T20:38:00.000-07:00

We have one more week until our next doctor's appointment, and we have only 5+ weeks until our due date. Little baby Paul is growing by the minute, or so it seems. Annabelle is becoming all the more inquisitive as to when he will come out so she can hold him. Daily I am brought to tears thinking how my girls will never be able to play with him. I am not looking forward to recovering from labor and delivery, without the joy of a newborn to distract me. I am slowly feeling a joy and excitement for the day of delivery, but I am still getting nervous. What should I expect? How will I feel? Will it truly be the worst day of my life? I know God will grant me strength on that day that I never knew possible, and I know the Holy Spirit will give me a joy only He can give, but I am still tempted to be anxious.

So, friends....pray. Daily, Weekly or just once, but I know that prayers of those who trust God and follow Christ are not ignored. God hears the cries of His children and He is near to us always. He wants us to bring every burden at His feet. I want this experience and the day of my delivery to glorify God and bring others to a loving relationship with Him. As I read Exodus, I relate to Moses. He didn't think he could be used by God. How can God use me?

Pray that God WILL use Nate and me in the next few weeks and on the day of delivery. Pray that we don't doubt God's goodness or His sovereignty. Pray that we can rest in His arms, knowing that He loves us. Thank you for you love and friendship!

Who am I?

2009-09-22T15:50:00.000-07:00

Recently, I began reading the Bible using the One Year Chronological plan that I just downloaded from my church's website. I decided to double it up, so I could be done in six months. I did the 90 day Bible a couple of years ago, and it ended up being the 180 day Bible plan, so I think 6 months works for me:) I love getting the big picture in God's word from reading it beginning to end, and I think it will be even more interesting reading it chronologically. The hard part in reading the Bible so quickly is that there are many parts I already have questions on, so I need to be diligent in finding answers before I move on, which means more self-discipline:)

I just finished reading Job, which I consider to be quite timely. I have always been confused and overwhelmed by how lengthy it is and how it is worded, but thanks to the Bible Knowledge Commentary, I was able to grasp an overall summary of the book. There is so much I have learned from this book, but here is an excerpt from the commentary that I just love:

Rather than explaining the theory of evil or the role of suffering, God rebuked Job for presuming to challenge His ways. In more than 70 questions—none of which Job could answer—God interrogated Job regarding numerous aspects of inanimate and animate nature. These two science examinations ranged in subject matter from
the constellations to the clouds, from the beasts to the birds. The wonders of God’s creation are dazzlingly displayed in outer space, in the sky, and on the earth. Though Job was dumbfounded by this barrage of questions, flunking both lengthy quizzes, he did meet God face to face. This reassured the complainer that God had not abandoned him after all.
What was the purpose of God’s rebuking response? By displaying His power and wisdom, God showed Job his ignorance and impatience. How could Job comprehend or control God’s ways with man, when he could not comprehend or control God’s government in nature? Since Job could not answer God on these matters how could he hope to debate with God? Since God has His own ways and designs in the sky and with animals, does He not also have His own purposes in His dealings with people? Though people cannot understand God’s doings, they can trust Him. Worship should stem from an appreciation of God Himself, not a comprehension of all God’s ways. Though puzzled, people should still praise.
God did not explain His ways to Job; He exhibited them, thus showing that the sovereign Creator and Sustainer of the universe does not owe puny man an explanation. Man is to report to Him, not vice versa. Yet, though God did not explain His design in man’s difficulties, His purpose in pain, He did reveal Himself.

So, wherever we are at, we must remain humble. Joyfully humble. Joyfully without all the answers. Joyfully living in praise. It took Job 42 long chapters to learn this. Let's pray it doesn't take us that long!

Yum!

2009-09-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

Well, my good friend Kendra at Preschoolers and Peace recommended this recipe from Alton Brown for Soft Pretzels. They are soooo tasty, fun and easy to do with the kids, that I had to second her recommendation. We made some with kosher salt and some with cinnamon and sugar, but I bet you could do parmesan, garlic salt and much more. Hope you find them as fun as I did, especially when you don't know what to do to spice up the day with little ones. Everyone loves to get messy, roll some dough, and of course, eat!!!

Week of Encouragement

2009-09-10T15:05:00.001-07:00

Last Weekend

This last weekend, Nate and I were privileged to go to Menlo College to see his brother play football. While we were up there, we drove a couple hours east to see some blogger friends that I have been getting to know. Kendra and Andy are a wonderful homeschooling family of 8 kids, and this summer they had opened up their house every Saturday night for whomever wanted to come over for a bbq. The Fletchers and their friends were such an encouragement...thank you, thank you, thank you! It is great how God's people can experience unity, even when they have never met. Nate and I are seriously considering homeschooling our children, and we have been seeking out wise counsel in how to train up our children and be intentional in every way of life. It was great to see it lived out in the Fletcher's life and to see the fruit of their labor in their respectful and sweet children.

On Monday, we headed for Rosemond, where we celebrated Labor Day with some old and new friends at Nate's fire station. We FINALLY got a semi-ok family pic, so here you go!

Baby Boy Update

Yesterday, Nate and I took the kids to another doctor appointment for our son. We are now 32 weeks along, and it was a blessing to have Annabelle see our son in the ultrasound. It wasn't as stressful as you would think, having both of them with us. It was actually encouraging and uplifting to have them there. We went to lunch first, and after the appointment, we got ice cream and cookies. Being a family really helped us cope with the reality.

Everything is still progressing the same way, and we are still looking at going full term and waiting for spontaneous labor. I am grateful I still only have to go back in another 4 weeks and not sooner. We are slowly grieving the coming death of our son, and it is still super hard to go to those appointments. On our trip up to San Jose this weekend, we listened to a sermon that reminded us of God's providence. He makes us all the way we are....He is still intimately involved in creating each one of us, and we are all created to bring glory to His name.

Exodus 4:10-11, "Then Moses said to the Lord, "Please Lord, I hav enever been eloquent, neither recently nor in time past, nor since You have spoken to Your servan; for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue." The Lord said to him, "Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?"

John 9:1-4, "As He passed by, He was a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was neither that this man sinned, nor his paretns; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in Him."

Not that I am convinced God will choose to heal my baby boy, but I am convinced that God created my boy with this defect, and that God will be glorified through this. What a great reminder!!! Thank you again for all your prayers. Oh by the way, we have decided to name our little boy Paul Perkins. Nate's middle name is Paul, and we would love for our little boy to be named after him in some way. He will be buried in a baby plot in Burbank, and we still don't know about what we will be doing as far as a memorial goes, but we will keep you updated!

A Must Read!

2009-08-23T21:33:00.000-07:00

I have practially read all of this woman's blog, and I feel comfortable endorsing it. I would encourage you to read this post labeled Ministry in the Mundane. She is an amazing homeschooling mother of 5, and she always shares such words of wisdom on her blog. This post is one that hits home to me, and I pray that it refreshes your minds and encourages you.

One of those days

2009-08-13T17:07:00.000-07:00

Do you ever leave a mess like this behind after going out to dinner? Well, this picture is the result of lunch at Johnny Rocket's in Bakersfield before Nate's badge pinning as Captain. We even TRIED to stay on top of it, and still, this is was what we left the poor girl to clean up!

I kind of had a day today that could be described by this picture. It started off great. I got up before the girls, had a quiet time, made breakfast and was, for the most part, ready for one of 7 out of the last 9 days without Nate. I was proactive. I even have a schedule, or as I like to call it, a daily flow chart....too specific of a schedule just doesn't work for me.

And yet, twice today, I had to come to Annabelle and apologize for being frustrated with her and raising my voice. How can you start off so strong and end up looking like the picture so perfectly illustrates? I forgot to seek God before opening my mouth or responding to a situation. I lost self-control of my emotions. All the things I am trying to teach my 2 1/2 year old:)

I pray that all of you moms out there can find encouragement, knowing that you are not the only one that feels like a terrible mom sometimes, and yet, I also want to encourage you to lower your voice when feeling the anger rise. Take a deep breath. Look at the big picture. Most often, if I make myself smile and speak softly, the situation calms down. I may be the only one out there that needs that encouragement, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not:)
Here is God's word to make it all the more penetrating to the soul:

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs
up anger."
Proverbs 15:1
"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he
who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city."
Proverbs 16:32

I am slowly learning the difference between training and discipline. Discipline is necessary, but a lot of times, I discipline when training is necessary. A sweet voice, and time invested into training can go a long way in creating peace in a home. I hate feeling like all I do is discipline all day, and I coming to realize that if I were willing to invest the time into training, there would be a lot less disicpline to go around. I am slowly mulling over all I am learning on both, and soon, I will be able to explain it better. For now, I encourage you all to take life slowly. It is often when I am unprepared or too hurried when I am harsh with my family.

God's Will

2009-08-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

So, Nate has become a reader. It sounds crazy, since neither he nor I ever loved reading in school, but as we have gotten older, we just love it. We are that couple that sits in bed around 10 to read and talk till midnight. Never thought I would see the day, but here it is:) Anyways, we were cleaning out our garage of old books from college, and we came across an old favorite of mine from college, A Serious Call to a Devout and Holy Life by William Law. Here is a quote that we just love (beware, his writings are from the 17th century):

"You are therefore to consider yourself as a being that has no other business in the world but to be that which God requires you to be. You are to have no rules of your own, to seek no self-designs or self-ends, but to fill some place and act some part in strict conformity and thankful resignation to the divine pleasure. Such resignation to the divine will signifies a cheerful approbation and thankful acceptance of everything that comes from God. It is not enough patiently to submit, but we must thankfully receive and fully approve of everything that by the order of God's providence happens to us...Whenever, therefore, you find yourself disposed to uneasiness, or murmuring at anything that is the effect of God's providence over us, you must look upon yourself as denying either the wisdom or the goodness of God. For every complaint necessarily supposes this...A complaint always supposes ill usage."
(pp. 141-142)

After thinking about this quote, I am challenged to rethink my thoughtlife and my decision-making. I am making a personal vow to make no more complaints about this pregnancy, my aches and pains, my exhaustion or anything else that I am so tempted to think or say in these last three months of pregnancy.

Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

And Philippians 2:14 says, "Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God, above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you appear as lights in the world..."

So, I invite you on this journey of no more complaining and not just patiently submitting. It is my goal, at the end of this pregnancy to be thanking God for and approving of this pregnancy. I pray that my will can one day be aligned with God's.

Patience

2009-07-22T20:33:00.001-07:00

Just earlier today, before our appointment, Nate and I were commenting on patience, as we looked at our squeeze bottle of ketchup. Since Nate can retain any type of information, he remembers movies and commercials better than anyone I know...so, he remembers the commercial for Heinz ketchup that said "Good things come to those who wait." This was back in the day when we had glass bottles that needed a little jiggling to get ketchup out. But we live in a world, where everyone is looking for the fastest and easiest way to do things.

Anyways, Nate and I had another doctor's appointment last week and have been reminded of how the hardest is yet to come, and we have more waiting to do. It is hard to imagine God expecting us to wait any longer or the end to come, but I know He will provide the strength. Our specialist couldn't be there for the ultrasound today due to jury duty, so we had a different doctor with us who spent at least 20 minutes talking to us and explaining things to us. Since our baby boy hasn't died yet, they are now expecting him to go full term. He is growing regularly and still moving. He will come spontaneously like any normal baby, and we will deliver him like we have our two other girls. He will look a little different, but for the most part, he will be a normal baby with a super large abdomen. He will struggle to take his first breath and then turn blue.

I remember when we found out about his obtructed bladder at 10 weeks, and I found comfort in the idea that we could miscarry soon and "this would all be over with." As the weeks go by, and the doctor's reassured us that he will most likely die in the womb, I found comfort again in knowing we could start all over soon. But now that we have been informed that he will most likely live a comfortable but squooshed life for 16 more weeks inside of me, and I will have to labor and birth him like normal, I am discouraged. It seems like a lot of waiting. A lot of sadness. How can I bear this? How can I feel kicking daily, get larger by the week, take a glucose test, take a tour of the new UCLA hospital, and begin to have appointments more often, without being too sad! Without feeling like it is "all for nothing."

One of Annabelle's all time favorite songs is "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". And as we sing it, I am reminded of how I must pray without ceasing. The song says,

"What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grief to bear.
What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer.
Oh, what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer."

I also need to remind myself of how God has numbered the days of my son and knows him more intimately than I ever could. I am constantly being tested as to who I live for and what I find joy in. If I find joy in life's circumsances, I will not always be able to find joy in life. A couple of friends and I meet every other week to pray for each other and make sure we are keeping our life on track. We started off asking each other "What has robbed you of your joy this week?" It was a great question to get us thinking of where are priorities had gone wrong and where we need to turn things over to God. Well, this week, I have let my joy be robbed by my impatience. By my disappointment that God won't just heal my baby and give me a "happy" and "easy" life. I often catch myself say, "Ok God, I have learned that you are in control....now, can it be all over. What more do I have to learn?"

Well, pray that I can find joy in the waiting, knowing God is good. I don't want to settle for a land that isn't as plentiful as what God has waiting for me. I know He is blessing us in this trial. I cannot see all the good He has planned for us.

Here is a pic just to make you smile.....it always does me:)

Taste and See the Lord is Good

2009-07-10T13:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not blogging for over a month. I think about blogging every other day, but I am truly trying to "look well to the way of my household and not eat the bread of idleness" as Proverbs 31:27 exhorts all women to do. And truly, it takes all my energy every day to make sure I do that well, and still, I often fail. However, I have been having so much "fun", if you can call it that, scheduling my days, getting ahead on grocery shopping, planning and cooking, cleaning and organizing, that I truly do forget or lose energy to correspond with all my friends.

With that said, I do want to update you with info from our last doctor's appointment. Our last ultrasound informed us that the bladder is now twice the size of the baby and the baby is getting harder and harder to spot in the ultrasound. His heart is still beating like crazy, but they are confident the heart will stop beating long before the due date in the beginning of November. I was grateful to God for having the doctor share with us that because our baby's condition was so escalated so early on in the pregnancy, there was truly nothing we could have done to intervene and try and "fix" things. It was nice to know there was nothing we could have done. Our specialist had never explained to us why; he simply said that there was nothing we could do. It was hard for me to trust him, since so many people have told us to seek out intervention. But Nate trusted God with providing this doctor, so I submited, and now I see the fruit of that. I also see the fruit of submission to Nate in my early decision to not choose a home birth. Since my first two birthing experiences were so great, I was hoping to do a home birth, but Nate loved UCLA and didn't think it necessary to have a home birth, especially since it would be an extra cost. Well, come to find out, having a homebirth and working solely with a midwife, I would not have had an ultrasound until 20 weeks into the prenancy. That means I would not have found out of this problem with the baby until just a few weeks ago. I am so grateful I have known as long as I have and have been able to slowly grieve. I was not happy with Nate's decision, but now I see the fruit of submitting to him:)

Our next step is to make official burial arrangements. We are praying for God to provide financially for the burial, and it is exciting to see how He is beginning to do that. It is so great to know that God will take care of us and we need not worry about anything, even crazy expensive burials! Our next appointment is July 22nd, and if there is not heartbeat at that time, I will be induced. IF there is a heartbeat, then we will wait until the next doctor's appointment. I still feel him moving like crazy, so I am confident there will be a heartbeat in two weeks, but you never know what God has planned.

It has been crazy to think that God made my baby this way, and it wasn't just a product of this sinful world and our bodies not working properly, but I can't refute what the Bible says. He forms us in the womb, and we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He is our maker. He didn't just make Adam and Eve and let humanity do the rest. He makes all of us. So, I have found much comfort knowing that God loves him more than I can, and He made him this way and will be near to Him in this process.

I have been leading a Bible Study on 2 Peter this summer with some girls from church, and we were studying the idea of treating the Scriptures as a light in this dark world. We so often forget how dark it is. I encourage you all to hold onto them, read God's word and never forget how dark this world is. My friend encouraged me to remember Psalm 34:8 that says "O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" He is not only our light, but He must be our food. Not all of you are going through tough times like me, but you will. And it is helpful to be FULL on God's word before you have to go through the rough times. So, as I try to discipline myself to eat of God's word, I encourage you to do the same.

Happy eating:)

3 am

2009-06-01T07:43:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the delay in updating all of you, my faithful prayer warriors, but life seems to get busy when tough things come. Plus, when Nate is home for long periods of time, I pretty much disappear.

Last Wednesday, we had another appointment with our specialist, and the ultrasound showed us that things have progressed and the bladder and kidneys are much larger now. The bladder is between four and six inches in diameter, and in the photo below, it is the large black circle above the baby. Again, it was a terribly hard day. The doctor can't tell us much in what to expect or what may happen. So, we have to continue waiting for the unknown. But it was great to have my mom watch the kids at UCLA so we could see them right after the appointment. They are such a blessing, and I always need to be reminded of what God has given me when I am tempted to dwell on this tough circumstance. I am hopeful God is going to use this hard time for Nate and me to bring others to a saving faith in Jesus Christ. This time, the doctor actually cracked a smile and asked us how we were doing. We are slowing developing a relationship with him, and I pray it can be fruitful.

What do I ask you to pray for? That my eyes can be fixed on the Creator, the one I can truly have hope in. The past few nights, the girls have gotten up in the middle of the night for some reason or another, and I find myself crying in bed. It always ends up being around 3 am, and it is tough to shake. Nate has been so gracious and sweet to me, but it is hard to know I am going to experience this totally differently than he will. I have been so convicted about the idols in my life. I was listening to a sermon the other day that was reminding us that whatever devastates us, shows us who we are truly worshiping. I must have been worshiping the idea of having a baby. I love being pregnant, giving birth and being a mom so much, that this is truly devastating. I need my focus to change. I am not living for this life, but for the next. That is SO hard to daily remember.

On the other hand, I have some major praises. Nate has been promoted to Captain, and little miss Annabelle has Potty Power, and she now tell us when she has to go (most of the time:). My friend and I are starting a Bible Study for the summer, and I am excited to see what God will do! God is good, but life can be hard.

This morning I had to write down some things that remind of who God is...

Oh God,

You are patient with me

You withhold no good thing to those who trust in You

You give strength to the weary

Your yoke is easy and burden light

You are my Comforter and Counselor

You lead and guide, never forsaking

You are forever, and I am but a vapor

I love all of you who are praying for me...thank you for showing me true fellowship and how the body of Christ really is so spectacular.

Family Time

2009-05-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

Nope, we have no news. Our next doctor's appointment is on May 27th, so we do appreciate your prayers for strength that day. Of course, we are praying for a miracle, whatever that may look like. God blessed us with a family mini vacation last week that we had planned for awhile. The timing was perfect. Here are several pictures from our fun time. We definitely have nothing to complain about!

God is Good

2009-04-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

I know that I have been the bearer of bad news lately, and I am sorry for that. Well, today was a day Nate and I never thought we would have to face. We went in for a follow-up appointment, since we are 12 weeks pregnant, only to find out that our baby has major complications. The baby has an enlarged bladder due to outflow blockage. It was a day we had waited for, the day we would find out we were having a boy, but it was coupled with much sadness. We were informed that the baby would either miscarry, die soon after birth or be born with severe problems. Since the baby cannot release fluids, the amniotic fluid will be low, resulting in underdeveloped lungs, and the kidneys will be underdeveloped due to the amount of blockage from the bladder. We know God is in control, knowing He CAN do anything, but He doesn't always do what we want. I pray our baby is healed completely, but moreover, I pray for God's will. The song "Blessed Be Your Name" from the Vegie Tales CD has been playing in our car for days now, and it rings true in my life right now. Below are the lyrics, just in case you want to pray for us....we are praying through these words hoping that the pain will only lead us closer to Blessing God's Name:)

Blessed Be Your name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name

When I’m found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out

I’ll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name

When the sun’s shining down on me

When the world’s ‘all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there’s pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out

I’ll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

The Unknown

2009-03-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

So, in the last week, I have been battling an outbreak of MRSA again. There were two days where the pain was so bad and affected my whole body, that I could barely do anything around the house. Thanks be to God that Nate was home and able to help so much...I owe him so much thanks. This time has caused me to think about 1)what pain does to a person, 2)what causes people in pain to be discouraged, and 3)what people in pain really need.

Pain that affects the total body and mind can do crazy things to a person's thoughts and emotions. You can become so discouraged that you see no reason for doing most of the things you used to find joy in doing. You launch yourself into this viscious cycle of depression because of the UNKNOWN. How long will it last? Will it ever end? Is it my fault? Is there something I could have done to prevent this? How can I go on like this? And without God, the unknown is stressful, scary and depressing. It is no wonder this can result in countless addictions. My pain only lasted two days until it began to clear up, but I have such a compassion for those people with a lifetime of pain. It messes with your mind. You can't see clearly.

The timing of this is so funny. Lately, I have been sharing with Nate that I need encouragement. I love encouraging others, so I never thought it would be difficult for someone to encourage another, but the response Nate often gives me, is "I don't know how to encourage you or what to say." And this can be so discouraging. But through this painful time last week, I realized what true encouragement is amidst the unknown. I need to be reminded of what is KNOWN. I don't need to hear that it will be ok or another list of things I should be doing. A list of ways to love God in this moment of pain is overwhelming. When I was lost in the abyss of the unknown, and truthfully, still am, since who knows when this will actually go away, I learned that encouragement is simply reminding me of who God is, how faithful He has been and will be. Remind me of who is in control, and then I don't have to focus on myself anymore. This has definitely helped me in being able to more clearly ask Nate for help. Now, I just ask him to read scripture to me, since the pain was so bad I couldn't focus to read. I just need to know who God is and how He is faithful. That gives true hope and joy in the midst of any trial.

Hopefully this helps any of you who will ever be in pain.

As of now, my sore is gone, and life is back to normal, but prayer for a full recovery and fully getting rid of this infection would be grately appreciated. Thank you.

A Total Meltdown

2009-03-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

So, today I thought it be a great day to go through all the clothes I have in the dresser and the closet for the girls, getting rid of winter clothes and clothes too small. We have countless bins of hand-me-downs for Annabelle and we have all the clothes Annabelle wore just a short year ago. As I was in the middle of this process, and while the girls were climbing through the mounds of clothes and "helping" me fold clothes and hang others up, I started to tear up. I saw all the cute little clothes Annabelle had worn last summer on our family vacations, and I pictured how little she was. And then I began to cry, because I started to think about how precious and little Ava was last summer. As I was reorganizing the bins of clothes, I looked back at all the little itsy bitsy newborn clothes and looked ahead in the hand-me-downs of 3T and 4T clothes for Annabelle.

They grow up so fast, and I just couldn't handle it. I don't usually get this sentimental, but I guess it has been that kind of month. Ava wants to eat big girl food in a booster seat just like her big sister. Annabelle wants to eat baby food and sit in the bumbo seat like Ava:) So silly. Annabelle can have full on conversations with me, while Ava is starting to communicate with signs. Ava is taking steps now, and she is sooooo proud of herself. I just put some pajamas on Ava tonight that Annabelle seriously wore last year while we were living at our parent's house. I was still pregnant with Ava, and now she is almost ONE!!! It goes too fast, and sometimes I feel like I don't get to take it all in before it flies away. I try and capture every first and every last, and I try and forget the small stuff so I can enjoy them, but I have found that no matter how much you "take it all in" and enjoy all the chaos, they still grow up and you still miss it. There is no way to get out of that mourning, except to look ahead and know that every stage will be just as exciting.

So, now I am organized but an emotional mess:) But on a serious note, I am soooo excited I am organized, at least in their room. And next, I am onto reorganizing their playroom and its closet. I have been reading up a lot on organizing toys and keeping toys out of reach, teaching children to ask to get toys out and to clean them up and trade them in when they want to get other toys out. They end up enjoying toys more, getting less bored, and needing less new toys for excitement. If I have peaked your interest, check this site out. It is pretty helpful. http://www.parenthacks.com/2007/04/toy_library_pro.html

Grace to you and peace!

Titus 2

2009-02-17T13:48:00.000-08:00

I really like the perspective the Maxwell family has on raising children, and I subscribe to their monthly newsletter via email. This one really strikes a cord with me, and hopefully it will for you too:) Their website is http://www.titus2.com/ if you want to read more.

Bickering, Complaining, and Time Pressure Part 1

Recently, I received a request for a Mom's Corner. Since it asks questions that come up fairly frequently, I thought the e-mail would make a good Mom's Corner introduction.

"I was just reading your latest Mom's Corner and was wondering about you addressing something in the future. We are trying to raise five children, ages six years down to eight months, in the way God would want. I am having difficulty with bickering, bickering, and more bickering. The children complain about having to do chores and not getting enough play time because they have to do school. We are homeschooling. I try to explain that we help each other and should treat each other as we would have others treat us. Also of note . . . I feel my time is so divided, especially with twin eight-month-olds. I don't feel like I have the time to do all the things that need to be done, such as when it comes to get the children to listen and be kind to each other. I know that this should be the priority, but it seems too hard." Mom to Five

There are three key areas that were addressed in this e-mail that I believe any mom with more than one child will experience. The first has to do with how one deals with continual squabbling between siblings, especially young ones. The second question involves children who complain about having to work and do school. The final one is the mom's issue rather than the children's problem, but having children and homeschooling certainly compounds the struggle this mom is experiencing of time pressures.The heart and root of the children's difficulties can be nicely addressed during family Bible time. As the family is in the Word every day, Dad can draw the children's attention to Scripture that applies to the problems at hand. In Steve's Dad's Corner this month, he is discussing this same e-mail and how Dad can be a part of the solution. He is giving dads ideas of how they can use family Bible time to help their children spiritually. It is important for Mom to be communicating with Dad the struggles she is seeing in the children's lives because she is the one who is around the children the most, and she is aware of what is happening in the hearts of the children.

While I believe family Bible time is the starting place for attacking the heart issues that cause both bickering and complaining, we still need to know how to deal with it every time it happens in daily life. A key ingredient in this process is what we, as moms, do with our thoughts when we continually have to face sibling squabbles and a child's complaining. We have two choices concerning our thoughts. Will we be filled with anger, self pity, and worry? Will we take our thoughts captive?

"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).One way to take our thoughts captive is to have correct expectations. Expect that raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) is a long-term process. It is going to take time, consistency, perseverance, prayer, and just plain hard work. Don't expect that you focus on the problem for a week and then have children who no longer are unkind to each other. Instead be grateful for each situation that arises and the opportunity it affords to pray for, disciple, and correct your children—all important aspects of raising them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. When this is our mindset, it is easier to patiently respond to the situations that arise with the children throughout each day.

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 12:1). As mothers, bringing up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is part of the spiritual race that is set before us. We must address the sin in our own lives, and then run that race with patience.If we are regularly angry with the children over their wrong attitudes, then that is sin in our hearts that we must address. They are simply mirroring what they observe in us.

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:31-32).

These verses not only tell us that anger is sin, but they also give us an antidote, which is particularly applicable to mothers, for that sin: kindness and tenderheartedness. When a mom is correcting her children for their bickering or complaining, if she will pull the child to her, hug the child, and put a few kisses on him before she begins to deal with the child's problem, she will find her heart softening toward the child. It will help her not be angry with him and be able to gently admonish him, giving any necessary consequences without being harsh.Are we crying out to the Lord Jesus for victory over the sin that we know is in our lives? We are dependent on the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

"Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live" (Romans 8:12-13). It is through the Spirit that we take our thoughts captive and mortify the sin in our lives.

There is much more that I would like to share regarding the questions posed in the introductory e-mail of this article. The starting place is family time in the Word that takes Scripture and makes it applicable to the daily problems our children are facing. The next step involves Mom's expectations of her children and her determination to see this project as a long-term one, which she tackles with perseverance and patience. She has to take her thoughts captive so that she isn't dwelling on the negative. Then Mom wants to look into her own heart to evaluate whether there is sin in her life that might be contributing to the children's sin. May we be women who use every difficulty we face to turn our faces to the One Who can help us, Jesus Christ. Teri Maxwell

Our little blessings

2009-02-01T20:07:00.001-08:00

A Meek and Quiet Spirit

2009-01-26T07:40:00.000-08:00

I Peter 3:1-4 says, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."

Do you ever hear yourself say "poor me?”, wishing your husband would do more around the house or with the kids? Do you ever find yourself getting angry or frustrated when your children wake up early from naps, interrupting your "me time" of the day? I do . If Ava wakes up at 6am and not 7:30 like normal, I feel like I have lost out on my morning alone. I am not a joyful person when I go to pick her up from the crib. Sometimes my workload and all the expectations of everyone around me can seem overwhelming. In these times, I am robbed of that meek and quiet spirit.

Meek - mild of temper, soft, gentle, not easily provoked or irritated
Quiet - peaceable, not turbulent, not giving offense, mild, meek and contented.

Ouch! I am definitely not meek and quiet. Instead I find myself feeling bitterness, loneliness and anger/frustration. My focus is often on myself and not on the Lord. I need take captive my thoughts as Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 10:5.God has pointed me toward scripture for encouragement.....He created me as a help mate to my husband. How often I have it the other way around?! God has called me to be a mother and a wife, and that requires helping my husband in every way and training my children. Both can be difficult. Both can be overwhelming. And both can seem lonely at times. But they don't have to be.

I have always struggled with becoming easily frustrated or irritated with Nate, and now my children. I have been so convicted of whether I truly love them or not, for God says, "Love is patient, love is kind." In the NKJV, it says, "Charity suffereth long, and is kind." Am I truly willing to suffer long for my husband and children? I have been desiring a gentle spirit ever since I had Annabelle, and along with gentleness comes meekness and quietness.

Anger is something so heavy on my heart, because I am now realizing how I display it every hour of the day, either through irritation or impatience. Anger and bitterness creep into these situations when I am more concerned about my inconveniences or difficulties than I am about my child's long-term character growth or my service to God through serving my husband. But I have confidence that the Joy of the Lord can be my strength. He has not called me to do more than He will provide time or energy for. When my focus is right, I will work diligently and for the Lord, and then I will be grateful for anything my husband does to help or anytime my daughters do well and obey.

A few things that have been helpful lately that Nate and I have been working on are:
* Consistent discipline with predetermined consequences
* Always speaking softly and gently...always
* Taking time out of the day to simply train Annabelle to do those things that I seem to nag herabout because I expect her to do them well already.
* Always have high goals for the kids but low expectations. I find that I can become frustrated or lose patience when my expectations for the kids aren't met. But as long as I expect them to fail and still need training, then I can remain calm and patient.

A little peer pressure:)

2008-12-21T01:02:00.000-08:00

So, a couple of friends and I are trying to spur each other on in Christ, and one of the ways we are doing this is by memorizing scripture together. The hard part for me is that there are literally 50-100 verses I want to memorize. So, where do I start? Ot or NT? Having other people to suggest scripture and JUST DO IT really helps. We know that all scripture is God-breathed and useful for many things in our lives. We also know we are commanded to hide the word in our hearts.

Consider this an invitation to join in on the fun. For the next few weeks, I will be memorizing Philippians 2:1-18. If you aren't already actively memorizing scripture, come along for the ride. Once I started, I became addicted. God's word is alive and it gives me life as the Spirit divinely helps me recall scripture at the perfect moments. Hope you take me up on it:)

As for the pictures above, my dear friend and co-table leader at MOPS has a beautiful little girl, Lauren who turned 2 on December 18th. Since Annabelle's birthday is December 15th, she thought of the brilliant idea of having a mini b-day party for the two of them. Aren't they cute? Davis and Sader, Annabelle's cousins stopped by to join in on the fun as well. Exciting. Ava had a good time too. Thank you Ilka for supplying the Princess Party hats, necklaces, cupcakes and adorable kids! Happy Birthday girls:)

Just Hoping Someone Can Relate!

2008-12-10T20:35:00.001-08:00

"Why can't she just obey!"

2008-12-04T14:46:00.000-08:00

I often find myself, and I mean very often, being impatient while disciplining Annabelle, which then results in disciplining with anger or harshness. Of course, this then leads to Annabelle portraying the same "bratty" attitude I have just shown her. When I could be calm and patiently be firm with her, instead, I throw a temper tantrum, adult style. I have become more and more embarrassed of this attitude, and I know it is not becoming of a child of God or daughter of God. But I find myself, like most of us, experiencing what Paul did.

In Romans 7, Paul says, "For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate...For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is presnt in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me."

Yes, Amen brother, but now what!? Do I just go on sinning and teaching my child poor habits? Well, thank God for Romans 8:) Beginning in Romans 8:11, Paul says, "But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you." I know that the Spirit will guide me and help me in my weakness.

Plus, how long did it take me to learn to sing "Jingle Bells", tie my shoe, learn the alphabet or memorize a Bible Verse? It takes a long time and it takes major repetition. And since when have I mastered obedience? Ha! I need to renew my spirit daily, setting my mind on the things of the Spirit! Be praying for me....So, the next time she disobeys or is impolite, rude or selfish, I need to take a deep breath and remember I am TRAINING her, OH and training myself! However, this is much easier said than done.

Thanksgiving

2008-12-02T14:20:00.001-08:00

2008-12-02T14:16:00.001-08:00

Date Night

2008-11-21T09:53:00.001-08:00

So, what did we do with our all-too-rare evening away from the kids? Well, we dropped off dry cleaning, went to Coffee Bean, hung out at Borders, headed for the bank, and then ended the evening at Walmart. Do I sound like a mom or what? We left at 6 and came home at 10pm. Four hours of walking and doing errands. I think it is so funny to see how our dates have changed in the last four years...yet I love them just the same:) Thanks for babysitting Nana!

Calling Sin as Sin

2008-11-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

Billy Graham's prayer

'Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good, but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!'

You may have already read this, but I think it is so worthwhile to read and pray this prayer. WE have all sinned and fallen short, and it can be disconcerting when we see people on street corners chanting for you to not call sin for what it is: sin. I think it is so necessary for us to call sin for what it is.

It is going to be getting harder to be a Christian, because people don't want to hear the truth. This can bring a field of depressing emotions over me, if I don't remember what God says. In seeking wisdom, He says:

"But he who listens to me will live securely and will be at ease from the dread of evil."
Proverbs 1:33
"Do not be afraid of sudden fear nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes; for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught." Proverbs 3:25, 26

Through God, I can seek wisdom and receive peace through all that comes. Praise GOD!

Graham Cracker, anyone?

2008-10-28T07:50:00.000-07:00

I love these days, where a pack of graham crackers will keep a child happy for at least 20 minutes. She is teething, has a diaper rash, and is tired, and yet all her worries pass away when she is holding onto a graham cracker square. Isn't that hilarious! Afterwards, you experienced moms know, the clean up is terrible, since the gooey, half-dried graham cracker yuck is stuck on everything. However, for a peaceful 20 minutes, I will clean up any mess:)

Thankfulness!

2008-10-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

Well, some of you may know that I have a staph infection. Taking a bunch of meds, being totally exhausted and sick, and having something pretty serious wrong with you can really play on your emotions. Anyways, it reminded me of how important it is to start of the day and continue the day in a thankful spirit. So here are a few things I am grateful for. And I encourage you to do it with me...it is so refreshing:)

I am thankful to God for:

Nate
His stable job that he enjoys
Two healthy daughters
A family that will drop everything when I need them
A special bond with my sis
My salvation - I am so unworthy
A place to call home
My health - let's face it, I am not that sick
Good food
Friends - lots of friends that truly love me
God is faithful, always faithful to those who put their trust in Him, and yet He is even faithful when we aren't.
Coffee:)

A reason to smile!

2008-10-20T11:53:00.001-07:00

I know I'm Crazy!

2008-10-17T22:32:00.000-07:00

Well, I have no idea how many children I will ever have, but I know I have mentioned the idea of not using birth control to some of my fellow friends. Of course, I usually get horrified or surprised responses, and most of the time, people ask me if that would be "wise". I just finished watching an episode of the new show "17 and Counting" about the Duggar Family. Please check this portion of their website out, because they present God's truth in a refreshing way when it comes to parenting, debt and putting God first.

I myself have realized lately that my priorities are not aligned with God's. Parenting would not be so overwhelming if it was a top priority. Many times, we need to put God first, then others, and worry about ourselves last. I was soooo encouraged by Michelle Duggar's comments, one of which exhorts mothers to offer up sacrifices of praise to God in tough times. Again, this helps you refocus, which usually is all we need. However, we often are influenced by the world, which says you must love yourself first in order to love others. That is contrary to God's teaching, and I encourage you to check this site out.

Check it out: http://www.duggarfamily.com/parenting.html

Quotes

2008-10-15T10:20:00.000-07:00

These quotes have been found helpful and encourage me to keep the right priorities in life. Hopefully, they prove just as helpful to you!

Long after people have forgotten eloquence, and long after they have ceased to read whatever cleaverness any of us may have been able to commit to the printed page long after cleaverness and eloquence are gone, human kindness will live in on the lives of people. People remember kindness. - Alistair Begg

Relationships are seldom neutral. There are those in whose company we are strengthened and encouraged, and there are others who are frankly a drain on our resources and they tempt us to faulter and to quit. - Alistair Begg

Show me your friends, and I will show you your future! - Anonymous

Good enough is perfect, and there are lots of messes that can be walked over, because the real joy is in the relationship you have with your child. - Chris Jeub

I don’t have a perfect front yard, but I am not doing yards. I am doing children. - Wendy Jeub

The Girls....ahhhhh

2008-10-12T23:45:00.001-07:00

Ouch!

2008-10-12T23:23:00.001-07:00

So, in Sunday School, I was presented with this dilemma...can you be pursuing the nice things of this world and still please the Lord? Can you have the best of both worlds? Seeking the best neighborhood, schools, clothes, food and life and still please the Lord? The Bible clearly states that you cannot serve Money and God, but am I serving Money in seeking some nice things of this world?

Well, as I was tucking Annabelle in tonight, reading her a Bible story, we came across the parable of the hidden treasure in Matthew 13:44-46. Jesus says, "The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys the field." Well, there is my answer!

The Jesus Storybook Bible puts it this way, "Coming home to God is as wonderful as finding a treasure! You might have to dig before you find it. You might have to look before you see it. You might even have to give up everything you have to get it. But being where God is - being in His kingdom - that's more important than anything else in all the world. It's worth anything you have to give up! God is the real treasure."

Is He truly my treasure! All I seek after and all I devote my time, money and energy towards? Is He that precious to me? Am I so overwhelmed with joy over finding my Savior that He is all I can think about. Obvious answer is no, but is that even my desire? That is why I say OUCH! No, I am definitely preoccupied and destracted, as Satan would have me be, with the things of this world. Good thing God is generous with His grace and that tomorrow starts a new day:0 Praise God!

Wealth

2008-09-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 23:4 says, "Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, cease from your consideration of it."

Ecclesiastes 5:10 says, "He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves abundance with its income."

I have been asking God for wisdom, and since then, my eyes have been opened to the fact that I do love money. I never thought I did, but I do. The little things I think about throughout the day make it evident I am not content. I wish I had more clothes that fit, match and are in style. I wish I had more money to make my house nicer, and trying to stick to a strict budget for food is tough also. But why do I care about clothes, decorating and fancy food? Satan tries to get at me however he can to make me forget why I am truly here. These verses have been encouraging me to be content with what I have. Hopefully, they are a good reminder for you as well.

I love this next verse from Proverbs 24:3-4,

"By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches."

I have been encouraged that I need to be concerned with how I adorn myself with Christ like character, how I fill my house with wisdom and truth and how I fill my body with the bread of life. This is all that matters. I have to remind myself this hourly. I pray you are encouraged to do the same, because I have experienced so much more joy in my life since I realized this.

Family Milestones

2008-09-29T22:01:00.001-07:00

2008-09-29T21:47:00.000-07:00

The Biggest Loser competition is still underway, and I have currently lost 8 pounds! I am so excited. I have started going to LA Fitness, and although it is hard for me to carve out the time in my busy schedule, find the energy and also let some strangers watch my kids, I am having a wonderful time getting fit. I try and go to the gym 3x a week, and I am slowly becoming addicted to the painful yet invigorating and usually dreaded SPIN class. My hooohaaa has never been so sore, and the first time I tried the class, I couldn't even walk after...no joke. I don't eat after dinner, except for coffee and tea, and I wake up starving in the morning. I am still trying to eat better, but for all of you new moms out there, trust me, the exercise gives you so much more energy. Do anything you can to at least get out for a couple of walks a week:) Call me. I will do it with you.

Having two kids is all a juggling act, as most of you know, and it is such a blessing from the Lord when it slowly becomes easier. As you can in the pictures, bathing two kids is now possible for me to do at one time. I used to be scared of it, but now it is one of the funner times of the day. Ava loves her bouncer and bumbo seat. Annabelle loves to sing with Ava and play with her. It warms my heart every time I see it. Ava is getting up on her knees and kind of crawling backwards, and the best thing of all....she can pick up her pacifier and put it in her mouth. Amazing!!!! I love that milestone. Independence means a much easier life for me.

Annabelle has a boyfriend now, yes, and his name is Jason. I babysit my friend's kids every now and then, and Annabelle and Jason just run around, chasing each other and fighting the whole 3 hours. It is hilarious. They pose so well for the camera too! Jason's sister, Lauren, who is the same age as Annabelle just takes care of Ava the whole time. I love them.
Almost time for another baby! just kidding:)

POOP!

2008-09-29T21:34:00.000-07:00

So, potty training is such a sensitive issue, since everyone thinks they either have the perfect way to potty train OR they think it is going to be the most terrible thing ever. With the personality God gave me, I take any "tough" thing and become super competetive with myself. I say things like, " I can do that!" or "You can do anything for a day, a month, or however long it will take." My neighbor, a mother of 4, brought over all her leftover diapers, because she had potty trained her last child who was only 22 months old. Nate and I of course, asked her every question under the sun to see how she did it.

Now that I had the knowledge, I was ready for the challenge. The day after we got back from a long, wonderful weekend in Colorado and Vegas, I began the challenge. We decorated a timer with stickers, got fun panties with Elmo, Princesses and Mickey, we had chocolate chips as an incentive, and I was ready. I took my neighbor's approach: just let them run naked and have accidents until they learn. I did try to take her to the potty every 15 minutes for the first couple of days so she could get excited about the potty. However, day 2, I got terribly sick. Nate had to come home from work and deal with a sick wife and a potty trainee:) Then, he got sick the next day. And then, a few days later, yes, we decided to give Beast up to a different family. This week was the hardest week of my life. I didn't leave the house, and I have never cleaned up so much pee and poop in my life! I thought she would never learn. I felt like I was in the middle of child labor, dilated to 7 and 80% effaced, contemplating whether I should just get the epidural and be done with the pain. But as I have learned, the pain is always worth it!

However, I am glad to say that after that terrible, horrific week, she uses the potty. Yes, we still have accidents, but tonight (2 weeks later) she pooped for the first time in the potty. It is amazing what a fool you become when trying to encourage a child, but, when she went #2 tonight, I was jumping and screaming, and she was cracking up. I am just soooo amazed at how smart our children are. She isn't even 22 months old, and she can totally communicate with me. It is so sad to see your little children grow up so fast.

Motherhood

2008-09-02T23:04:00.000-07:00

So, do you ever find yourself mopping, cleaning dishes or folding laundry at 11pm, well I just finished all three. I now realize that I am way too tired to be doing that anymore, but it always seems to happen that way. Mopping is kind of out of the picture with kids around, and with laundry, I left it unoccupied for a split second one day, and all the nice, clean and folded clothes ended up on the ground. Annabelle loves to "dress" Beast with clothes on those now rare occasions when he is inside. And dishes, well there are always dishes to clean, load and unload. If someone could always unload for me, I would always have an empty sink. For some reason, I hate unloading. Anyways, hear I am unwinding from my day and had to vent about a mother's job. It is a blessing indeed, but man I am tired for sure. I always have to remember to not be overcome by the mundane of this world and all our duties. Rather, I need to count them joy and serve God through each little task.

Psalm 9:1-2 says
"I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart;
I will tell of Your wonders.
I will be glad and exult in You
I will sing praise to Your name, O most High."

So, instead of contemplating my long tiring day, I need to focus on how great our God is and how truly His blessings make us rich. I will choose to dwell on the fact that I have 2 beautiful girls, a husband who loves God and a home to call my own. I have friends who are always there for me and a church of believers to call home. Thank you God for even thinking me worthy to be used by You.

Yes, I find it difficult to do MOM duties during kid awake hours, but during those hours, I get to play dress up, read books, color and color and color:), run in the sprinklers, do make up, tickle, and kiss and hug. What a wonderful day it is to be a mom.

Our Family

2008-08-29T22:39:00.001-07:00

Just a Funny Story

2008-08-29T22:05:00.000-07:00

So, my friend emailed this to me, and I had to share it. It had me dying of laughter:)

So the light switch in our kitchen has been giving us some trouble lately. Like it turns itself on and won't turn off when it's supposed to. After asking Jon to fix it for the last month, I finally opened the thing up myself, dug around a bit, made it completely non functional, and in doing so, finally aroused Mr. FixIt's curiousity. So, off he goes to OSH and in comes a phone call about 15 minutes later....
Jon- "Hey, so do you want the Touch Pad Dimmer Switch?"
Me- "No."
Jon- "It's pretty cool."
Me- "No, I don't think I need mood lighting in the kitchen."
Jon- "But it's got this cool touch pad, you tap once once to turn it on or off, and then touch it and hold your finger there to dim."
Me- "But I just need the lights to go on and off."
Jon- "It's pretty coooooool, you know how you like the lights dim sometimes."
Me- "It's the kitchen, I don't need dim. Don't they have a basic switch?"
Jon- "Hmm" (I've now ruined his fun)
Me- "Look, you can get something cool for another room in the house, just make this one work please."
Jon- "Hmm, okay I'll see what they have."
He walks in the door 10 minutes later, dejected.
Me- "What did you get?"
Jon- "A switch."
Me- "Basic?"
Jon- "Yeah, a basic, boring one. I could hardly even find it."

:-)

The Biggest Loser

2008-08-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes I am a Biggest Loser fan, but I am not talking about TV. My friends and I have begun this little challenge. Since we are all moms and struggle for time and energy to diet and exercise, we decided we needed a little kick in the butt, and who doesn't like a good ole competition. We have all weighed in and begun our own diet and exercise routines. We have 10 weeks to give it our best shot. I am going to work out at least 3x a week, and I am trying to diet using portion control. However, I am nursing, so I am extra hungry all the time. So, I have to double dose it on the water and make sure I am eating at least every few hours. How will I lose weight nursing? Well, my plan is to wake up and have a large breakfast to jump start my metabolism. Maybe some oatmeal, fruit and yogurt with some water. I will have a mid morning snack of banana, apple with peanut butter or whole grain toast and some more water. Lunch will be medium sized with water. No soda at all! Then I will have an afternoon snack...possibly a slimfast shake, and then I will have a light dinner with just enough sustenance to satisfy me. Oh, and more water. No sweets accept once a week. We will see how it goes. I will definitely update you on my percentage weight loss and how I rank with the others in the group. Some are doing crazy diets, some Calorie King and some just eating healthier like me. My roommate in college (Hey Jenny Poo) did weight watchers and lost bunches of weight, so that perspective on weight loss is still in my head, so hopefully I can win. Winner gets a gift card of their choice. So, Nate being the competitor he his won't let me cave in. We will see.

Game on Girls:)

Sisterhood!

2008-08-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I just had to throw all these pics in here. My girls are growing by the second, and I have to document all of it. Annabelle has had a couple of firsts this past month. She went bowling with Nate's old football team, and she loved it! And yesterday, she sat for almost 30 minutes coloring, and believe it or not, she didn't color all over the table. I gave her huge pieces of paper left over from my Save the Dates for our wedding...ha. She had so much fun. Wow! She looks so grown up holding those crayons.
Ava on the other hand had a couple of firsts as well. She went into the pool in a float boat, and she had a great time. Also, she began sleeping from 8pm to 7ish am now, without a feeding. That happened a couple of nights ago, praise the Lord. Pretty much, she began rolling over like a crazy woman and had some rough nights. So, i just had to let her figure it out with a little of crying, and now she doesn't need me for almost 12 hours at night. Love it. She sits up very well in the bumbo seat, so now she is the center of attention at all meals:) And it is pretty hilarious....she has become Annabelle's "playmate. Poor Ava gets baby doll bottles stuffed in her mouth, books shoved in her face and toys thrown at her. Annabelle thinks she is playing, reading and sharing with her, and Ava doesn't mind. It is sweet to see Annabelle enjoying Ava and wanting to play with her.

One last note. So, I had to discipline Annabelle, and in the middle of her sobbing in the timeout corner, she looks to Ava and cries out for "Ada". She was totally looking to be consoled by someone, and the only one in the room was Ava, so she was crying to her. It has already begun. Well, let the adventure of raising girls begin. Can't wait for what is to come!

Democratic National Convention on HOPE

2008-08-27T19:33:00.000-07:00

So, I know I need to be more knowledgeable in politics and what is going on in our country. Therefore, I spent some time last night watching the Democratic National Convention, and I think I now know why politics urks me. Hillary kept claiming that in order to give HOPE to the hardworking and deserving people of America, we must elect Obama and not let another Republican into the White House. I am not going to get into a debate on Republican vs. Democrat or McCain vs. Obama, but I will say something on their skewed idea of HOPE. How dare they say we can place our trust in them, mere humans. They will fail us, and therefore, it is not true hope. HOPE is placed in someone or something that can be trusted to come through for us. That is precisely why we can hope. This world is sinful and we can't make it any better. Only by God's good grace is His hand still upon this world, and that is the only reason why life is good right now. Also, we are not good people. We don't deserve anything good. However, because of God's great love for us, we can have eternal life with Him, which by the way, we don't deserve.

I guess it is hard for me to listen to politicians claim they can make life better, easier and less evil. And I hate when they try and give people "feel good" speeches just to gain votes. What we need is someone to truly rely on God and focus our eyes on the true source of HOPE. Because then and only then, this world will get better.

And the kicker of it all, is that they are slamming their opponents, saying all sorts of mean things about each other. What kind of true leader behaves in that matter. Just stick to how you can benefit this country....we don't need to take a ride on memory lane to Junior High. Been there and done that.

Just interesting. Hillary had great ideals. And it is easy to make a well-written speeh in front of people who love you. However, God and His Son Christ, need to be the main focus of all of this. That is why the country is where it is at today....they have lost their focus. So, on a HOPEFUL note, please spend some time thinking on these words of the Lord.

"For You are my hope; O Lord God, You are my confidence from my youth. By You I have been sustained from my birth; You are He who took me from my mother's womb; My praise is continually of You." Psalm 71:5-6

There is no need to become overwhelmed or anxious about the upcoming election. God is in control. He will be with us. We must simply HOPE and trust in Him, and give Him continual praise.

Two peas in a pod!

2008-08-09T23:16:00.000-07:00

On Friday, we went to see our friends Kristen and Daniel who have a son a week younger than Ava. This is a picture of them the day after Jensen was born. Ava was exactly a week old, but she was smaller than he was. We swaddled both of them and stuck them in the bassinet together at the hospital. It looks like he is trying to kiss her. SO cute. It is hard to believe that it was over 3 months ago. They grow so fast. Maybe one day they will marry.......ha ha. You never know:)

Having a little fun!

2008-08-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

So, Nate thought it would be cute to fit Ava in Annabelle's doll stroller. Annabelle had so much fun, and of course, I couldn't look. Ava was a little nervouse, not know what was happening. Poor Ava, this is just the beginning. Aren't they cute!

Pamela and Oliver

2008-08-05T10:51:00.000-07:00

Thank you to Pamela and Oliver for thinking of our two girls. They are missionaries in Budapest, Hungary and sent these two t-shirts for our girls. We miss you so much and can't wait to see you again. We are praying for you!

Thank you Gavin!

2008-08-05T10:49:00.000-07:00

Sunday, we got to see our beloved friends Jen and Justin. Now they have little Gavin who isn't so little more. Thank you for letting us come and visit. We had a blast. So did the girls. Congratulations on your last day of work Justin. So excited for you:)

Boat Day:)

2008-08-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

Saturday was Ava's first day to the boat. She and Annabelle were both troopers. I took a little nap while Grandpa was the skipper, and Grandma, Aunt Robyn and Sam babysat. Thanks for such a lovely time!