True Comfort

"Comfort is the one thing you cannot get by looking for it. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth-only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair."
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"
Psalm 56:8

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord."
Psalm 27:13-14

I am sure you are all wondering where I have been in the blog world these past six weeks. Well, I have been thinking. Thinking about life. Thinking about the plans we make. Thinking about the ways we are blinded by this world and convinced to live for ourselves. I needed to refocus and dive into God's word. I know that true healing comes from God's word alone. I am seeking God's face; seeking to know Him more, so I can understand this world He has made a little better. The better I understand who God is, the more I can rest in His promises and look forward to being with Him for eternity.

Yet, there isn't a day goes by where I don't think of my little baby boy. My girls speak of him often to friends and strangers alike, and I find myself wanting to tell strangers about him. These 6 weeks have been tough. I wish I could hold my little baby Paul once more. I often wish I could be pregnant again, just so he would still be with us. I am not a dates or numbers person, so even though our due date came and went, that wasn't that hard for me. The hardest times are those when Annabelle speaks of precious Paul to friends and family. I went in for my six week check up, and she thought we were going to go see baby brother again. Little times like these are much harder, because I am slowly grieving what might have been.

However, I am encouraged. My life is much richer and deeper now that I have had my faith tested and proven. I know that if someone asked me to deny Christ now, no matter the cost, I would not do it. Now, it may be hard, sad and horrible, but I could not deny Him. But my soul finds rest in the truth of the Bible.

I can now echo what David says in Psalm 16, "You are my Lord; I have no good besides You...The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot...I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken...You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever."

Baby Paul's Birthday

Just in case you feel like crying:) This is the long 9+ minute slideshow. I know it is long, but this is mainly for people who couldn't make it to the birth or to the memorial today who wish they could have. And this is also for those who are going through something similar. I remember how other people's slideshows really helped me these past six months of waiting. There is a shorter one, but I love this long one. Hope you enjoy it. The birth story to come soon!! P.S. Before playing the slideshow, scroll down to pause the music player for the blog. If you don't you will have two songs playing:)

Come celebrate with us!!!

Friends and Family,
Just want to thank you all for your prayers, and we would like to invite you to worship our God and celebrate the life of Paul with us tomorrow, Thursday at 4pm at Grace Baptist Church, Santa Clarita, CA. A reception will follow. Children are warmly welcome:)

Paul is Home!

Baby Paul was born yesterday, October 4th at 6:59 pm, weighing 6lbs and measuring 19 inches long. He came 5 weeks early, much to our surprise. He was beautiful, and we were able to share precious time holding him and loving him. He went home to be with Jesus around 8:40pm, and we were able to spend a sweet time with friends and family, lifting him up to the Lord.

More pictures and details of his birth story to come, and we will let you know about any plans of a memorial as soon as we finalize them. Thank you for praying.

Love Thy Neighbor...

My neighbor, a dearly beloved blessing, has volunteered to come to the hospital to take pictures of our new little baby and all of us enjoying those precious moments with him. As the time has grown closer, she has taken Nate, me and the girls out for family pics, and just yesterday she took some pictures of just me. Although I don't really feel up to pictures, and if you have ever been nine months pregnant, you know what I mean:), it was a great gift from her to give.

And let the praying begin!

We have one more week until our next doctor's appointment, and we have only 5+ weeks until our due date. Little baby Paul is growing by the minute, or so it seems. Annabelle is becoming all the more inquisitive as to when he will come out so she can hold him. Daily I am brought to tears thinking how my girls will never be able to play with him. I am not looking forward to recovering from labor and delivery, without the joy of a newborn to distract me. I am slowly feeling a joy and excitement for the day of delivery, but I am still getting nervous. What should I expect? How will I feel? Will it truly be the worst day of my life? I know God will grant me strength on that day that I never knew possible, and I know the Holy Spirit will give me a joy only He can give, but I am still tempted to be anxious.

So, friends....pray. Daily, Weekly or just once, but I know that prayers of those who trust God and follow Christ are not ignored. God hears the cries of His children and He is near to us always. He wants us to bring every burden at His feet. I want this experience and the day of my delivery to glorify God and bring others to a loving relationship with Him. As I read Exodus, I relate to Moses. He didn't think he could be used by God. How can God use me?

Pray that God WILL use Nate and me in the next few weeks and on the day of delivery. Pray that we don't doubt God's goodness or His sovereignty. Pray that we can rest in His arms, knowing that He loves us. Thank you for you love and friendship!

Who am I?

Recently, I began reading the Bible using the One Year Chronological plan that I just downloaded from my church's website. I decided to double it up, so I could be done in six months. I did the 90 day Bible a couple of years ago, and it ended up being the 180 day Bible plan, so I think 6 months works for me:) I love getting the big picture in God's word from reading it beginning to end, and I think it will be even more interesting reading it chronologically. The hard part in reading the Bible so quickly is that there are many parts I already have questions on, so I need to be diligent in finding answers before I move on, which means more self-discipline:)



I just finished reading Job, which I consider to be quite timely. I have always been confused and overwhelmed by how lengthy it is and how it is worded, but thanks to the Bible Knowledge Commentary, I was able to grasp an overall summary of the book. There is so much I have learned from this book, but here is an excerpt from the commentary that I just love:

Rather than explaining the theory of evil or the role of suffering, God rebuked Job for presuming to challenge His ways. In more than 70 questions—none of which Job could answer—God interrogated Job regarding numerous aspects of inanimate and animate nature. These two science examinations ranged in subject matter from
the constellations to the clouds, from the beasts to the birds. The wonders of God’s creation are dazzlingly displayed in outer space, in the sky, and on the earth. Though Job was dumbfounded by this barrage of questions, flunking both lengthy quizzes, he did meet God face to face. This reassured the complainer that God had not abandoned him after all.

What was the purpose of God’s rebuking response? By displaying His power and wisdom, God showed Job his ignorance and impatience. How could Job comprehend or control God’s ways with man, when he could not comprehend or control God’s government in nature? Since Job could not answer God on these matters how could he hope to debate with God? Since God has His own ways and designs in the sky and with animals, does He not also have His own purposes in His dealings with people? Though people cannot understand God’s doings, they can trust Him. Worship should stem from an appreciation of God Himself, not a comprehension of all God’s ways. Though puzzled, people should still praise.

God did not explain His ways to Job; He exhibited them, thus showing that the sovereign Creator and Sustainer of the universe does not owe puny man an explanation. Man is to report to Him, not vice versa. Yet, though God did not explain His design in man’s difficulties, His purpose in pain, He did reveal Himself.

So, wherever we are at, we must remain humble. Joyfully humble. Joyfully without all the answers. Joyfully living in praise. It took Job 42 long chapters to learn this. Let's pray it doesn't take us that long!