Taste and See the Lord is Good

Sorry for not blogging for over a month. I think about blogging every other day, but I am truly trying to "look well to the way of my household and not eat the bread of idleness" as Proverbs 31:27 exhorts all women to do. And truly, it takes all my energy every day to make sure I do that well, and still, I often fail. However, I have been having so much "fun", if you can call it that, scheduling my days, getting ahead on grocery shopping, planning and cooking, cleaning and organizing, that I truly do forget or lose energy to correspond with all my friends.

With that said, I do want to update you with info from our last doctor's appointment. Our last ultrasound informed us that the bladder is now twice the size of the baby and the baby is getting harder and harder to spot in the ultrasound. His heart is still beating like crazy, but they are confident the heart will stop beating long before the due date in the beginning of November. I was grateful to God for having the doctor share with us that because our baby's condition was so escalated so early on in the pregnancy, there was truly nothing we could have done to intervene and try and "fix" things. It was nice to know there was nothing we could have done. Our specialist had never explained to us why; he simply said that there was nothing we could do. It was hard for me to trust him, since so many people have told us to seek out intervention. But Nate trusted God with providing this doctor, so I submited, and now I see the fruit of that. I also see the fruit of submission to Nate in my early decision to not choose a home birth. Since my first two birthing experiences were so great, I was hoping to do a home birth, but Nate loved UCLA and didn't think it necessary to have a home birth, especially since it would be an extra cost. Well, come to find out, having a homebirth and working solely with a midwife, I would not have had an ultrasound until 20 weeks into the prenancy. That means I would not have found out of this problem with the baby until just a few weeks ago. I am so grateful I have known as long as I have and have been able to slowly grieve. I was not happy with Nate's decision, but now I see the fruit of submitting to him:)

Our next step is to make official burial arrangements. We are praying for God to provide financially for the burial, and it is exciting to see how He is beginning to do that. It is so great to know that God will take care of us and we need not worry about anything, even crazy expensive burials! Our next appointment is July 22nd, and if there is not heartbeat at that time, I will be induced. IF there is a heartbeat, then we will wait until the next doctor's appointment. I still feel him moving like crazy, so I am confident there will be a heartbeat in two weeks, but you never know what God has planned.

It has been crazy to think that God made my baby this way, and it wasn't just a product of this sinful world and our bodies not working properly, but I can't refute what the Bible says. He forms us in the womb, and we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He is our maker. He didn't just make Adam and Eve and let humanity do the rest. He makes all of us. So, I have found much comfort knowing that God loves him more than I can, and He made him this way and will be near to Him in this process.

I have been leading a Bible Study on 2 Peter this summer with some girls from church, and we were studying the idea of treating the Scriptures as a light in this dark world. We so often forget how dark it is. I encourage you all to hold onto them, read God's word and never forget how dark this world is. My friend encouraged me to remember Psalm 34:8 that says "O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" He is not only our light, but He must be our food. Not all of you are going through tough times like me, but you will. And it is helpful to be FULL on God's word before you have to go through the rough times. So, as I try to discipline myself to eat of God's word, I encourage you to do the same.

Happy eating:)

3 am

Sorry for the delay in updating all of you, my faithful prayer warriors, but life seems to get busy when tough things come. Plus, when Nate is home for long periods of time, I pretty much disappear.

Last Wednesday, we had another appointment with our specialist, and the ultrasound showed us that things have progressed and the bladder and kidneys are much larger now. The bladder is between four and six inches in diameter, and in the photo below, it is the large black circle above the baby. Again, it was a terribly hard day. The doctor can't tell us much in what to expect or what may happen. So, we have to continue waiting for the unknown. But it was great to have my mom watch the kids at UCLA so we could see them right after the appointment. They are such a blessing, and I always need to be reminded of what God has given me when I am tempted to dwell on this tough circumstance. I am hopeful God is going to use this hard time for Nate and me to bring others to a saving faith in Jesus Christ. This time, the doctor actually cracked a smile and asked us how we were doing. We are slowing developing a relationship with him, and I pray it can be fruitful.

What do I ask you to pray for? That my eyes can be fixed on the Creator, the one I can truly have hope in. The past few nights, the girls have gotten up in the middle of the night for some reason or another, and I find myself crying in bed. It always ends up being around 3 am, and it is tough to shake. Nate has been so gracious and sweet to me, but it is hard to know I am going to experience this totally differently than he will. I have been so convicted about the idols in my life. I was listening to a sermon the other day that was reminding us that whatever devastates us, shows us who we are truly worshiping. I must have been worshiping the idea of having a baby. I love being pregnant, giving birth and being a mom so much, that this is truly devastating. I need my focus to change. I am not living for this life, but for the next. That is SO hard to daily remember.

On the other hand, I have some major praises. Nate has been promoted to Captain, and little miss Annabelle has Potty Power, and she now tell us when she has to go (most of the time:). My friend and I are starting a Bible Study for the summer, and I am excited to see what God will do! God is good, but life can be hard.

This morning I had to write down some things that remind of who God is...

Oh God,

You are patient with me

You withhold no good thing to those who trust in You

You give strength to the weary

Your yoke is easy and burden light

You are my Comforter and Counselor

You lead and guide, never forsaking

You are forever, and I am but a vapor

I love all of you who are praying for me...thank you for showing me true fellowship and how the body of Christ really is so spectacular.

Family Time

Nope, we have no news. Our next doctor's appointment is on May 27th, so we do appreciate your prayers for strength that day. Of course, we are praying for a miracle, whatever that may look like. God blessed us with a family mini vacation last week that we had planned for awhile. The timing was perfect. Here are several pictures from our fun time. We definitely have nothing to complain about!

God is Good

I know that I have been the bearer of bad news lately, and I am sorry for that. Well, today was a day Nate and I never thought we would have to face. We went in for a follow-up appointment, since we are 12 weeks pregnant, only to find out that our baby has major complications. The baby has an enlarged bladder due to outflow blockage. It was a day we had waited for, the day we would find out we were having a boy, but it was coupled with much sadness. We were informed that the baby would either miscarry, die soon after birth or be born with severe problems. Since the baby cannot release fluids, the amniotic fluid will be low, resulting in underdeveloped lungs, and the kidneys will be underdeveloped due to the amount of blockage from the bladder. We know God is in control, knowing He CAN do anything, but He doesn't always do what we want. I pray our baby is healed completely, but moreover, I pray for God's will. The song "Blessed Be Your Name" from the Vegie Tales CD has been playing in our car for days now, and it rings true in my life right now. Below are the lyrics, just in case you want to pray for us....we are praying through these words hoping that the pain will only lead us closer to Blessing God's Name:)

Blessed Be Your name

In the land that is plentiful

Where Your streams of abundance flow

Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name

When I’m found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out

I’ll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name

When the sun’s shining down on me

When the world’s ‘all as it should be'

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there’s pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out

I’ll turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be Your name

The Unknown

So, in the last week, I have been battling an outbreak of MRSA again. There were two days where the pain was so bad and affected my whole body, that I could barely do anything around the house. Thanks be to God that Nate was home and able to help so much...I owe him so much thanks. This time has caused me to think about 1)what pain does to a person, 2)what causes people in pain to be discouraged, and 3)what people in pain really need.

Pain that affects the total body and mind can do crazy things to a person's thoughts and emotions. You can become so discouraged that you see no reason for doing most of the things you used to find joy in doing. You launch yourself into this viscious cycle of depression because of the UNKNOWN. How long will it last? Will it ever end? Is it my fault? Is there something I could have done to prevent this? How can I go on like this? And without God, the unknown is stressful, scary and depressing. It is no wonder this can result in countless addictions. My pain only lasted two days until it began to clear up, but I have such a compassion for those people with a lifetime of pain. It messes with your mind. You can't see clearly.

The timing of this is so funny. Lately, I have been sharing with Nate that I need encouragement. I love encouraging others, so I never thought it would be difficult for someone to encourage another, but the response Nate often gives me, is "I don't know how to encourage you or what to say." And this can be so discouraging. But through this painful time last week, I realized what true encouragement is amidst the unknown. I need to be reminded of what is KNOWN. I don't need to hear that it will be ok or another list of things I should be doing. A list of ways to love God in this moment of pain is overwhelming. When I was lost in the abyss of the unknown, and truthfully, still am, since who knows when this will actually go away, I learned that encouragement is simply reminding me of who God is, how faithful He has been and will be. Remind me of who is in control, and then I don't have to focus on myself anymore. This has definitely helped me in being able to more clearly ask Nate for help. Now, I just ask him to read scripture to me, since the pain was so bad I couldn't focus to read. I just need to know who God is and how He is faithful. That gives true hope and joy in the midst of any trial.

Hopefully this helps any of you who will ever be in pain.

As of now, my sore is gone, and life is back to normal, but prayer for a full recovery and fully getting rid of this infection would be grately appreciated. Thank you.

A Total Meltdown

So, today I thought it be a great day to go through all the clothes I have in the dresser and the closet for the girls, getting rid of winter clothes and clothes too small. We have countless bins of hand-me-downs for Annabelle and we have all the clothes Annabelle wore just a short year ago. As I was in the middle of this process, and while the girls were climbing through the mounds of clothes and "helping" me fold clothes and hang others up, I started to tear up. I saw all the cute little clothes Annabelle had worn last summer on our family vacations, and I pictured how little she was. And then I began to cry, because I started to think about how precious and little Ava was last summer. As I was reorganizing the bins of clothes, I looked back at all the little itsy bitsy newborn clothes and looked ahead in the hand-me-downs of 3T and 4T clothes for Annabelle.

They grow up so fast, and I just couldn't handle it. I don't usually get this sentimental, but I guess it has been that kind of month. Ava wants to eat big girl food in a booster seat just like her big sister. Annabelle wants to eat baby food and sit in the bumbo seat like Ava:) So silly. Annabelle can have full on conversations with me, while Ava is starting to communicate with signs. Ava is taking steps now, and she is sooooo proud of herself. I just put some pajamas on Ava tonight that Annabelle seriously wore last year while we were living at our parent's house. I was still pregnant with Ava, and now she is almost ONE!!! It goes too fast, and sometimes I feel like I don't get to take it all in before it flies away. I try and capture every first and every last, and I try and forget the small stuff so I can enjoy them, but I have found that no matter how much you "take it all in" and enjoy all the chaos, they still grow up and you still miss it. There is no way to get out of that mourning, except to look ahead and know that every stage will be just as exciting.

So, now I am organized but an emotional mess:) But on a serious note, I am soooo excited I am organized, at least in their room. And next, I am onto reorganizing their playroom and its closet. I have been reading up a lot on organizing toys and keeping toys out of reach, teaching children to ask to get toys out and to clean them up and trade them in when they want to get other toys out. They end up enjoying toys more, getting less bored, and needing less new toys for excitement. If I have peaked your interest, check this site out. It is pretty helpful. http://www.parenthacks.com/2007/04/toy_library_pro.html

Grace to you and peace!

Titus 2

I really like the perspective the Maxwell family has on raising children, and I subscribe to their monthly newsletter via email. This one really strikes a cord with me, and hopefully it will for you too:) Their website is www.titus2.com if you want to read more.

Bickering, Complaining, and Time Pressure Part 1

Recently, I received a request for a Mom's Corner. Since it asks questions that come up fairly frequently, I thought the e-mail would make a good Mom's Corner introduction.

"I was just reading your latest Mom's Corner and was wondering about you addressing something in the future. We are trying to raise five children, ages six years down to eight months, in the way God would want. I am having difficulty with bickering, bickering, and more bickering. The children complain about having to do chores and not getting enough play time because they have to do school. We are homeschooling. I try to explain that we help each other and should treat each other as we would have others treat us. Also of note . . . I feel my time is so divided, especially with twin eight-month-olds. I don't feel like I have the time to do all the things that need to be done, such as when it comes to get the children to listen and be kind to each other. I know that this should be the priority, but it seems too hard." Mom to Five

There are three key areas that were addressed in this e-mail that I believe any mom with more than one child will experience. The first has to do with how one deals with continual squabbling between siblings, especially young ones. The second question involves children who complain about having to work and do school. The final one is the mom's issue rather than the children's problem, but having children and homeschooling certainly compounds the struggle this mom is experiencing of time pressures.The heart and root of the children's difficulties can be nicely addressed during family Bible time. As the family is in the Word every day, Dad can draw the children's attention to Scripture that applies to the problems at hand. In Steve's Dad's Corner this month, he is discussing this same e-mail and how Dad can be a part of the solution. He is giving dads ideas of how they can use family Bible time to help their children spiritually. It is important for Mom to be communicating with Dad the struggles she is seeing in the children's lives because she is the one who is around the children the most, and she is aware of what is happening in the hearts of the children.

While I believe family Bible time is the starting place for attacking the heart issues that cause both bickering and complaining, we still need to know how to deal with it every time it happens in daily life. A key ingredient in this process is what we, as moms, do with our thoughts when we continually have to face sibling squabbles and a child's complaining. We have two choices concerning our thoughts. Will we be filled with anger, self pity, and worry? Will we take our thoughts captive?

"Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).One way to take our thoughts captive is to have correct expectations. Expect that raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) is a long-term process. It is going to take time, consistency, perseverance, prayer, and just plain hard work. Don't expect that you focus on the problem for a week and then have children who no longer are unkind to each other. Instead be grateful for each situation that arises and the opportunity it affords to pray for, disciple, and correct your children—all important aspects of raising them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. When this is our mindset, it is easier to patiently respond to the situations that arise with the children throughout each day.

"Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 12:1). As mothers, bringing up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is part of the spiritual race that is set before us. We must address the sin in our own lives, and then run that race with patience.If we are regularly angry with the children over their wrong attitudes, then that is sin in our hearts that we must address. They are simply mirroring what they observe in us.

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:31-32).

These verses not only tell us that anger is sin, but they also give us an antidote, which is particularly applicable to mothers, for that sin: kindness and tenderheartedness. When a mom is correcting her children for their bickering or complaining, if she will pull the child to her, hug the child, and put a few kisses on him before she begins to deal with the child's problem, she will find her heart softening toward the child. It will help her not be angry with him and be able to gently admonish him, giving any necessary consequences without being harsh.Are we crying out to the Lord Jesus for victory over the sin that we know is in our lives? We are dependent on the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives.

"Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live" (Romans 8:12-13). It is through the Spirit that we take our thoughts captive and mortify the sin in our lives.

There is much more that I would like to share regarding the questions posed in the introductory e-mail of this article. The starting place is family time in the Word that takes Scripture and makes it applicable to the daily problems our children are facing. The next step involves Mom's expectations of her children and her determination to see this project as a long-term one, which she tackles with perseverance and patience. She has to take her thoughts captive so that she isn't dwelling on the negative. Then Mom wants to look into her own heart to evaluate whether there is sin in her life that might be contributing to the children's sin. May we be women who use every difficulty we face to turn our faces to the One Who can help us, Jesus Christ. Teri Maxwell